Hello again
More and more people have been telling me lately, that GOD will bless me for taking care of my mother. I will be blessed in my after life and later on in my life.
Well I don't care about being blessed in my after life or later on in my life. I care about it now. So I can do more for mom. To take care of her in a better way. To give her more, to do more for her. To get mom out and see all the things she has missed over the last many years being locked up in a seniors home. Not being able to go anywhere. And not being taken out by her children. Especially her daughters, who one of them got the van that was taken away from me, so she could take mom out and do things with her and for her. But we all know, from my blog that this never happened and then over $50,000. of mom's funds where spent on a companion service. ( And these people, who claim to be mom's friend, are no where to be found)
And for me. I am disabled and am a complete looser. And can't even move closer to her, to do more during the day for her. Take her out. I can't afford to move. I have nothing, absolutely nothing. I can't even afford to move there, let alone afford a place of my own.
I am tired of living with people. Where I am at, it is not a safe environment for me. I was living with only one drunk. Now I am living with two drunks. And the worst part of it, is one of them is a 38 year old women. Nothing is worse than a 38 year old drunk women. Who thinks she has all the answers. It has been only a month since she has been living her and she constantly wakes me up at night. Even though I have asked her repeatedly to keep it down. I am tired of repeating myself. She is sleeping with two different guys, who support her.
I am a recovering alcoholic mind you I have been sober for many, many years. It is not good for me to live in this environment. I am tired of living in my bedroom. I can't have mom over. It takes me 3 hours each way to visit her and look after her.
As it is, my life is over once mom passes away. Nothing to live for. I am a looser. I look forward to helping mom each and everyday. I don't look forward to coming home. I start to get angry the closer I get to my place. I don't have anything else to look forward too in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I am completely happy and fulfilled by looking after mom. I have no other life. This is OK with me. I want and need to do this for mom. It is what I do and who I am. I am mom's caregiver and I love this job.
So being blessed in my after life or later on. Is not going to work. As I am not going to be around much longer after mom passes away.
As it is I have to fight with mom's daughters over the funeral. Mom wants to be buried, and buried where her parents are buried. Mom is Catholic and this is the way she was raised. To be put back into the earth and I know my cheap ass sisters, who want mom to be cremated so they can save the money for their inheritance.
Now, I have not heard back from the PGT over mom's needs.
Mom's wrists are getting thin. She needs to gain a few pounds. I need to give her something nutritious.As in the Greens Plus. I need a delivery method and this is to put it in smoothies. So I need a blender for her.
He the, case manager, for mom at the PGT is pissed off at me right now. Sure I write about them, but I stopped naming, names. And I have been writing this blog for a very long time. And I am not about to stop this. Not for anyone's sake. I need to write about what is going on. And to let others know what it is like in the daily life of one who has Dementia and the caregiver for them.
These are mom's needs I wrote to the PGT about. Not mine. They just don't seem to get it. Mom is in need of these things.
She has a toe nail fungus. I thought I had it taken care of, but I didn't use the tea tree oil long enough. I stopped when I thought it was gone, Instead of continuing for another month or two after words. As a Dr. of TCM said to me, when I went and spoke to one, the other day.
The medical treatment is to invasive for someone of mom's age. It is to invasive for someone my age. This is why I have chosen the natural method of tea tree oil for mom's toes.
This is about what mom needs.
Yes I have a very lot of needs, but I am tired of asking. And asking GOD for help. This is not working out for me. Nothing I ask for or any of my needs are not or ever met.
I am just the looser I am. OK I have a decent education, but it is so old, it is worthless now.
Well time to go again. To bed is where I need to be. Nothing else to do. Tired of looking at an empty fridge or cupboards.
So GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
