Hello again
I write this blog to tell all what it is like to live with Alzheimer's. What the person thinks and how they live. What they go through. The abuses that they suffer at the hands of the government agencies, the homes etc...
I write this to show what it is like for the caregiver, their feelings and frustrations and their fights that they must endure in order to get the respect their loved one's deserve. To stop the abuse. To be an advocate
I write the truth about all that happens and I feel. I am self effacing. I live with problems, I do everything I can for my mother.
I forgive my mother's daughters, but I will never forget. Or would I choose to hang out with them. I would like if they could at least give permission to release the photo's so I can repair them and copy them. And put them up on her wall.
I am ashamed of myself for not having a van to get mom out and about. I hate it that I live so very far away.
It would be horrible if I received a call in the middle of the night, telling me that something is very seriously wrong with mom. And I can't get there for hours and hours. I probably would never forgive myself. Again needing to live closer
Yes I complain, I write about all the BS that goes on in my life. I also write about all the BS that goes on in mom's life as well.
I ask for help, I need help. I write as I have no one to speak to about all the nonsense that happens. And the abuse my mother suffers at the hands of the PGT, the home and the staff of the homes. The doctors and social workers, that don't listen to anything. It is an outlet for me.
I have been threatened with law suits for writing this blog. I have been looked down upon. I have been told that this blog is to harsh.
It is reality. The truth. It is how I really feel and how mom feels about what she has to go through each and everyday.
The lousy food she gets and how I try to make sure she gets healthy alternatives.
I have written this as today, I told a bus driver friend about the blog and he asked if he could read it. At first I was hesitant, as I did not want his opinion to change about me. I don't even know what that is anyways.
I really never gave it much attention to what other's think about me. I know the truth, I write the truth.
And yes the driver is a nice guy and I hope I don't shock him to much.
So today mom was in bed when I arrived. It was bath day. And they have been, for the last two weeks, putting her to bed afterwards. It was OK the first week. But this makes mom very tired and then she is not that hungry. Which was the case tonight. But she always eats the fruit and cheese. Which is good.
But not in a very good mood, when it came to her nightly spa treatment. She just didn't want to be fussed with. I did as much as I could with out mom getting to upset and punching me. It is all good though.
I really need to be closer. I need to speak with the social worker concerning mom's roommate and her TV being on all night long as well as the light. This is not good for mom's health.
So a staff member asked me tonight if I had a wife and kids. I told her I was divorced with no children. She said that there is someone out their for you.
I just said to her. I can get dates, but it takes money to be able to keep a women. And I have none. They will want to do things and go places. With nothing, there is nothing. I have already been told this by a few women. " You don't have anything, it would not work out." I have also told women that I am busy between certain times everyday and this doesn't change, I look after my mother. Not good enough for them. So I stop calling.
But I won't be able to maintain any kind of relationship without money. Yea, it was fine when I was young. You can build a life together and they understand that you are just starting out. When you get older, women expect their partners to have it together, Have a home, car etc.... And I have none of these. So I am alone. I am use to it now. And it is OK. Well it is not OK. I do get lonely. I would like to have children, a wife.
But, for now, my life is taking care of my mother. I am completely fine with this. In fact I chose to do this. To make sure mom has someone their for her everyday. To take care of her. She can't take care of herself, she needs someone to do everything for her. And this someone is me. I will be their for her. No matter what. I don't care if my legs drop off.
OK, I am loosing my hearing, I need hearing aids and I have absolutely no way of paying for them. Absolutely no way. I don't have $7000. kicking around. Otherwise I would of already been living in White Rock. I need $7000. though. So I can continue to hear. So I start a campaign on indiegogo. I put the link up on one of my blogs a few days ago.
Here it is again. http://igg.me/at/helpmehear/x/917224
I still have the vertigo issue that needs to be solved. And many other things as well. I am in pain all the time. I will never show this to mom, or, actually others. I have only told two people about my hearing loss. I guess a few more. Many more. Only those who have read this.
I just ask where is the GOD that I pray to each and every night. To help me with all of these problems and/or situations that come my way all the time. I just need a miracle. For GOD to supply the funds I need to purchase the hearing aids. And it would be nice for some extra funds to move to White Rock. Get what I need and what I need for a few months.
But GOD I pray for health for my mother, healing for her. And, OK, the funds I need to purchase the hearing aids.
But most importantly, health, healing and happiness for mom
GOD bless and good night. I hope this gives all of you a better understanding of what this is all about.
Kris Schmuland
Lonely seniors die sooner. I am making sure this does not happen to my mother.
