Hello Again
So I want my parents, mom's photo's. I want to restore them ( as my younger sister stored them in a leaky shed, and they got water damaged. I remember going to visit mom, at my sister's and mom down on the floor trying to dry them out. And separate them. I was disgusted with this; At this point mom was already showing sign's of sever agitation. And separation anxiety. Suffered from a stroke already and very lonely, being stuck at my sister's
And since then the PGT took the photo's and put them in storage. Which by any body's reasoning, are getting worse off. I want to restore them, re print them, burn them to CD/DVD. And put them up on the wall in mom's room. Letting her have her memories back. We are talking about mom's wedding photo's, Dad''s army photo's and everything from the early 1900 to 10 years ago.
They keep refusing to release them. In the mean time they are getting more degraded. I need to keep mom's past alive and these photo's are an important part of it. She needs to see them.
I see mom looking at the photo of dad all the time. She really misses him and so do I. We cried together tonight because of this. And I could not stop crying, while I finished her spa treatment. I am crying now, writing this, thinking about it. It has been very emotional for me the last few weeks. I am feeling very sad, and closer to mom.
She is coughing allot lately. I need to get another lung MIR done. They are not even paying attention to the fact that mom has lung cancer. Or possibly.
Emotionally, I am not doing well. It is mother's day this weekend. Tonight at dinner mom was motioning to the flowers on the table, meaning she would like some more flowers for her room. I have been bringing them to her every week since she has moved into this new place.
I have nothing. I am outside sitting typing as this is the only way I can get an Internet connection. An extension cord, and my computer. Well at least I get a visit by the raccoon. But he just wants food. And I don't even have this for him. He puts his little feet out and touches my feet. He/she sticks his/her nose on my feet.
I am loosing weight like crazy and having to put another hole into the belt. I have almost a quarter of another person worth of loose skin on my body. But who cares, I certainly don't I only care about my mother and getting as close to her as I can. This is to include moving to White Rock as soon as I can. I can't live in the situation I am living in anymore.
Mom needs me more now than ever. She counts on me being their for her. I have changed things up a bit and now i get mom into bed. Well the staff gets her into to bed and then I finish the spa treatment while she is in bed.
This is so much better for mom. She doesn't get all relaxed and start to fall asleep and then interrupted to get changed for bed. This way she is in bed, I give her the spa treatment and she is completely relaxed and doesn't have to be disturbed. Mom just falls asleep.
The PGT is still telling me they don't have the receipts. I say, their is the TV, the stereo and all the cosmetics, all their. Well I don't leave the cosmetics their, as they go missing. And I need the stereo receipt. The CD player is not working and I need to return/exchange it. I can't do this without the receipt.
So today before I left, I printed out the itemized list of everything that was purchased for mom. Just the amounts for each receipt. And the receipts are all numbered. So I printed it out and dropped it off at the PGT office before going to see mom.
I have never felt emotions like I am feeling now and in the past few years. I am depressed, I have thought about ending it. I will never do this. I need to be around to help mom. I don't think about what is going to happen after mom is gone. GOD forbid she does not pass anytime soon.
I cry allot, I sing to my mother everyday. I have a song which I wrote for her, that I sing to her every night before I leave. Our goodnight song.
I call it my mother's love, I love you.
I am full of these emotions that are new to me. It is a deep and warm feeling. This feeling makes me happy and sad. It stirs inside me great passion. A passion to do everything for my mother.
I need to go now. It is 1:46 am and the bed is calling me. But first I will read the next passage of the bible as I do every night before bed. And then pray. I pray to understand everything mom says, I pray to find the help I need to move to White Rock. and get set up in an apartment. I pray that mom lives and long and healthy life. I pray that GOD heals her arm and speech.
But I need to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
