Hello again
It is one year today that my mother passed away. It has been a very stressful month for me. I have been thinking about mom, how I have not been able to give her a memorial service, which I wanted to give mom, for her year anniversary. But no, I cannot. I am beyond poor..
I have not been able to sleep well at all. Or even sleep period. I have gone days without sleep then I sleep for up to 24 hours. I am not sleeping and I have things to do the next day, so I stay up. Well at 5 am and not being able to sleep, but have to be somewhere at 10 am. I stay up, then try to stay up so I might be able to sleep that night. Without having to take something to help me sleep. If I do that I sleep for hours and hours and hours. I look a mess, huge circles around my eyes. Pale skin. Worn looking. Defeated looking.
This has been going on for the last month and this last week it has been worse. I have not wanted to write about anything. Sure lots to write about, but I am so very tired, I can't concentrate. Today is no exception. But I needed to write today. Being mom's one year passing.
I feel I have completely disappointed my mother.. No service, no closer, no good bye. I have asked for help with this, yet I have not received any help what so ever. Another disappointment in my eyes's. I thought crowdfunding would help. I thought there were people out there who cared. Was I ever wrong. No one give a crap about me or my problems. Or I am asking for help to give my mother a service. A little help from a few people.
I am about to get an eviction notice and I have no place to move to. My phone is dying on its last legs. No money for another phone. I have nothing.
I was hoping that my disability would of gone through by now. No luck with that. I asked. I was hoping that I would hear from the housing. But, again, nothing.
I don't know how much more I can take. Things are really bad right now. I don't even come back here until after 10 pm, The landlord is in bed by then. I just can't deal with it. At all. I will freak out. So I walk around, take a bus somewhere or just sit somewhere in the cold. Waiting for 10 pm. I can only walk so far before I have to stop and sit. I can barely use my right arm now. Typing with both hands is very painful Which I am doing now. But painful.
I have been giving everything I have to the landlord and it is still not enough. It was the ex roommate that has caused this for me. I am not able to pay the full rent I wasn't going to anyways. Just half, now stuck with it all.
So I am not sure how much more I can take.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
