Hello again
It seems to me that I am have been a very big disappointment to everyone my whole life. Hell I am even a disappointment to myself. Every time I think I am getting somewhere, I turn around and ruin whatever forward movement I am achieving, by my actions or lack of action.
I am just extremely depressed of late. I am injured once again in an accident and it seems that I can't even do allot of things anymore. For now. I see my doctor today, this morning. Yet it really doesn't matter if I see him or not. Sure I will tell him what has been happening and what I can and cannot do right now. But it still doesn't help the fact that I will be getting an eviction notice at the end of this month.
Just can't pay all of the rent, behind and unless I get a financial miracle, I will continue to be behind in my rent for next month. I have given my landlord everything I have and more. I have sold everything I have to sell and it is not enough.
I have tried to get a job, I keep applying, even though the doctor tells me I am not to work. I have applied for disability, but no word on that yet. I am going this morning to drop off an application for assisted, subsidized housing. Who knows about that, only GOD. and it seems I am nothing but a disappointment to GOD as well.
The truth be told, the only good thing I have done in my life was to take care of and be there for my mother. That is it.
I just have no idea what is wrong with me. I know I am grieving for my mother's loss. One year at the end of this month, since mom passed away. And I am such a looser that I can't even give her a memorial service.
But that is not helping me from becoming homeless.
Whatever! I guess I shouldn't even be thinking that way.
Everyone tells me to wait for GOD. I am waiting and waiting. What is happening is that I am going further down the hole. I don't see any help.
So...................................
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
