Hello again
I am going to suffer through this tonight. Yes it hurts allot to type, but I need to do this. The pain from this accident is not getting better. I can't even read my phone or anything with my head down. I need to hold things directly in-front of me. Otherwise my neck gets really sore and I get a huge headache. This is not fun. My back, the lower and upper back, hurt like crazy now. And I sit up straight when sitting. I have my shoulders back. I try not to slouch.
Oh yes I went for my testing for cancer today. Not sure what the name is,forgot and keep forgetting. They take a scope and put it............ up............ I am sure you get it. I will let you know.
Now today at midnight, my time, my phone will no longer work( I am month to month) ( Great plan, but month to month.) Runs out at Midnight my time. November 30. On top of this, my bus pass is done for the month. I need to reload my Compass Card. No funds for this either. This is the first time that I can remember that I have not had a phone, not be able to pay for my phone. To not have a bus pass or be able to load my Compass Card The phone bill is not that much $67.00 and to reload the compass card is only $124.00 As you can see it is not much, but when you have nothing, I mean nothing, this is allot of money.
The first time that I can remember. I would not have to deal with the pass issue if my, so called friends, would of kept their promise I never asked for their help, they offered me, then changed their minds.I am trying to sell what little I have left to pay for these two expenses. And I have nothing.
All I need is the phone and pass and I am good. All good. Because I feel I am getting close. I have so many resumes out there now. This week alone it has been over a dozen 12, resumes that I have sent out.. Went for an interview today, but I wasn't offered the job on the spot. So that means they will call me if they want me. But not having a phone, makes that impossible for them to contact me.
This is not news to me, I knew the problems a month ago and all I have been doing is look for work, to on interviews, call the companies which I sent resumes too. Etc.................. And yet nothing. I just want to work. is that so much to ask for.........
Yet I have some, OK many serious problems. Health wise. And none of my problems will go away. I have them for life and they will just become worse as I get older. Parkinson's, Fybromialgia,, chronic fatigue syndrome plus all the other physical issues I have because of the many car accidents which I have been involved in. None my fault. And now, the possibility of cancer Pancreatic cancer( now I remember.)
Now the last thing for tonight. Christmas is upon us. 24 days left and I am completely alone. Not a soul to be around. No bus pass to get around, No phone to at least reach out to find help. I have usually completely set mom's room up by now and we are settling in to celebrate Christmas our own way. And this is a huge problem for me now.... It is really starting to get to me, not having mom around anymore. My first Christmas without her. Mom made Christmas for me. Mom was the one who made me get up and get out there to look for things to decorate her room with. To complete the look for her. To get new Christmas music together. To start to sing Christmas songs with her. But no more and this makes me excessively sad and depressed.
Especially since I have nothing, no one around me, to speak with, to just be with. Have a coffee or tea have someone over for a movie or a bite to eat and just sit and keep each other company. I can't even get somewhere to even be with people. To go to a seniors home or shelter or outreach centre to assist with whatever they have going on for Christmas. Since I am not working and have the time.
So you say to bad to sad for you. This is the way I feel that everyone thinks of me. To bad and to sad for you and your life. I have problems of my own. Yes I am sorry to hear that.......
Most have family to celebrate, to spend time with. Or they have friends. I have none. No friends or family ... I am truly alone and this hurts me as well. Even the pastor was no help, yesterday. He brushed me off. I was not impressed with that. But I do understand where he was coming from. I just walked in off the street and he thought I was asking for the church to pay all of my expenses. Again not so.
I need some spiritual help. Really need some spiritual help. I am suffering. I know, I know.Yet here I am. Alone and with no one and nothing. Can't even get out there and help. To get myself out of myself.
Again I ask for any help. Tell someone please. If I killed myself, no one would even notice I was gone. They couldn't get ahold of me or contact me. Wait there is no one to do this anyways.
So I go now. I am in real pain now. Shoulders, back,neck arms and legs
https;www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https:www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
