Hello again
I first want to say this. The only member of my family I got along with was my cousin. I got made at her because she, the day after mom passed, was telling me to get a job. I couldn`t even deal with life at that moment in time, Let alone a job. Everything was just to hard for me. I just lost the most important person in my life and everything changed. I didn`t even grasp that yet. I could do anything. Yes I did get made and still do get made. But she was the only one whom I did get along with in the entire family. I could actually talk to her.
So I have no one left in my life. I am OK with that, but I am not. I am use to being alone. But being lonely, that is another thing. This is very difficult to deal with. I don`t have someone to speak with about anything. The few friends I have, I mean 3 friends, I can`t have any kind of deep conversation with them. One just doesn`t understand. The other two are a couple. And they have their own things to deal with.
Now, I heard from the one job, that I was to start this week. She tells me she can`t give me the hours she promised me.Instead of 24 hours a week. A good start but I would need another job. She has said that she can only give me 10 hours a week and it won`t even start until the 14 th of this month. I need to work now.
It is not as if I am not trying. I am at this daily. Sending off resumes. The only way I can do this. I can`t afford to go around and drop off resumes.
So stuck is what I am. But I will keep trying to find a job. I need one as soon as possible. Again. I have been applying for jobs for months now.
I am not doing well. I just can`t sleep. I am getting 2 hours a night. I am burning out.... I have massive headaches. I even take something to help sleep and it is not working. It use to work. Even taking extra is not doing it. I am up and out the door, walk into town, to the job source company. The more tired I become the more I dwell on my mother`s passing. Yes I should be still thinking about her. And I do. And will never stop thinking about her. And talking to her. Which I do everyday. Yes I may be crazy. Oh well. then I am.
I need to get a job. I am behind in rent. I can say it is somewhat my fault, for trusting someone.
Mom`s service is constantly on my mind. It is coming up to a year in a few months. The fact that the hospital stole mom`s chair and lied to the police about it. This gets me very upset...
I still can`t believe people would do these things to someone who just passed away. My sisters canceling the service. Mom didn`t get one. I am trying to get this together. And I am told that crowd funding is just me begging for money. Not so. This is a viable way to raise funds to all sorts of different things.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
I am not begging. I am trying to raise funds for a cause. A great cause.
I need to go and try and get some sleep. I am hungry, but I need to sleep. And will try.
But I have so much on my mind I don`t know if I will get any sleep.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
