Hello again
Well yesterday I went out to Mission and picked up mom's ashes. It was a little weird carrying mom's ashes home by bus. I just said this seat is taken, I had mom on the seat beside me. So I was not about to give it up for anything. Hence, this seat is taken.
I didn't realize that an urn and ashes were so heavy. 10 lbs at least. But it was OK. Now I have to get us to having mom's ashes in my room.
When I got home, I cleared out a space in my closet. It is OK, I have so much stuff that my closet doors won't close. I took a couple of boxes down. That just had cables and old cell phones and chargers in it. Down to the storage room for those boxes.
Now mom sits where those boxes were. A visible spot. I can see her and I am now talking to her. Would it be weird if I bought a Mother's day card and placed it in front of her urn. I don't know, but I am weird to begin with. That is what I will do. To continue to celebrate my mother.
I am starting to have extreme anxiety now. I have mom and it is time to have a service for her. To celebrate her life. Even to have her buried with her parents.
I need this now, to have closure for mom. Everyone wants someone to celebrate their lives. And mom is no exception.
It needs to be done and needs to be done right away. This is, I am sure, what you would want. And everyone.
I have had to take some extra medication to handle my anxiety today. I don't take them often, but have them just in case. And today is one of those just in case days.
It is a beautiful urn that mom is in. I have a bit of dad's ashes as well. Placed inside the urn with mom. In a separate bag of course. But together at last.
I think now that I have mom's ashes she will come to visit me. At least I am hoping that.
I am missing mom very much now, since I picked up her ashes. It is final. I see her urn, I have seen the ashes in the urn. I know mom has passed on.
And with this, allot of emotions are coming my way. I am feeling deeply the loss of my mother. This is very difficult for me. I never experienced this before.
Because of my sister's I didn't get to say goodbye to my father. Now it is mom's turn, and she needs everyone to come and say goodbye to her. Tell the world what she was like. How she touched lives. How she brought everyone together on Holidays. Even though we did not like each other. Mom brought peace to those occasions. She brought us together.
That is the last time I celebrated any Holiday with everyone together. Since then I just made dinner for mom, and celebrated the Holidays with her. Just mom and I. This happened for over a dozen years.
I refused to celebrate anymore Holidays. That is just the way it is going to be. I will go somewhere and read on those days. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Well we won't include my birthday, as I have not celebrated it for 15 or more years. But I will honor mom on her Birthday as well as my father. And on their anniversary
The one thing I am upset about it all the photo's of mom and dad are with my two sisters and they just keep denying that they have them. Though I know they do, as I have seen the photo's at my sister's home.
I do hate it when I am lied too. And I know it. This is a gift I have, but also a curse. Being able to be a human lie detector.
So now is when I ask for your help. Again.
I am asking that you help me to give mom a celebration of life, memorial service. By donating to:
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
It is all that I ask. It is all that I need. It is what mom wanted. It is what should of been done within two weeks after her passing.
It would of been done, if it were not for my sister's going behind my back and canceling the service..All would of been done.
Yet I would not have mom's ashes. They would be sitting still.
I do thank GOD that HE helped me get mom's ashes.
If it were not for GOD I would be no where right now. That is how messed up I am. I AM LOST. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TO DO NOW.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GIVE MOM A MEMORIAL SERVICE THAT IS FITTING FOR A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WHO DID NOTHING BUT GIVE OF HERSELF.
I cannot right anymore tonight. I have to much anxiety within me.
Thank you for your support, by giving to this cause
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
