Hello again
Well, it has been a few days since my last writing and my life has seemed to be getting worse. I am feeling more and more devastated at the loss of my mother. The more time I have alone, the more the grief is starting to affect me.
I am listening to music, yes I think I mentioned this. And singing. On one hand I feel by singing this music, I am remembering mom, paying homage to mom. Then on the other hand, by listening to this music, it is making me extremely sad, making me cry, uncontrollably. The music I listen to is the music mom listened to.
I am moving at the end of September. Yes out of this mess. It is a good thing. But morally I needed to go and speak with a social worker at the hospital about the lady in the wheelchair. Now that it is done, it is out of my hands. She can't afford to stay here and pay for this apartment herself. Nor can I. And no matter how much she tells me and others, she cannot look after herself. She needs care 24/7 365 and I cannot provide this for her.
I can barely take care of myself. I have all these things wrong with me and it seems that with each passing day, something else seems to be wrong with me.
This diabetes is a major issue. I am suppose to eat three times a day. I just can't afford to eat three meals a day. I am to be taking medication with each meal. The medication has to be taken with food. Or it will really upset my stomach. I just can't afford to eat three times a day. And I am suppose to test my blood, 1 hour before each meal and two hours after each meal. Now how is this possible. I said this to my doctor. I just don't have the resources to do this.
So I am having to do without. The doctor tells me I won't get better without doing this. I guess I won't be getting better.
So I cannot stop thinking about my mother. Driving,walking, riding the bus. Mom is always on my mind. I could of done this, I could of done that. I didn't do enough is exactly what I know. I really could of done more, That is my opinion. Contrary to what others say. Which is " You did everything you could of, You did more than anyone else would of and did" That is just not good enough for me.
Now that things are getting this way, I am feeling more and more........................
GOD bless and good night
K
Please pray for whatever or just something. I do need your prayers.
