Hello again
It is becoming more difficult for me to deal with the passing of my mother. For one thing, the music I like to listen to is the same music I played for mom and she enjoyed very much. Now when I listen to our music, it saddens me very much. On the bus I am getting upset and depressed, crying. I have to take the head phones off and turn the music off. I have no idea how to deal with this. This is the music I enjoy listening to. And I got mom hocked on this music as well OK it would of been the music she listened to growing up. Jazz, Blues, Soul. R&B etc.... etc..... I think I might just have to listen to it for a long period of time and train myself not to get upset and cry.
I am starting to spend my days by myself. I am finding that this is the only way I can coup with everything. To much hanging out with friends. Well I only have a few friends and they are fairly new, 6 months. I have a few others that I have know a little while longer. That is it though. It is easy to make friends, well not for me. I think it is easy. But keeping them is the difficult part. I can meet people and have a good repore with them, exchange numbers etc.. as one would do when making new friends. It is the follow up that I have the problem with... Not wanting to.
Confusing you say. Yes it is for me as well. I am told it is because of border line social disorder. The one's I have now, one I am distancing myself from, the other two are a married couple and they, as with other married couples, have other married couples they know and they do things together as husband and wife. This works for me. Very well. I see them once a week and they live in Vancouver. Where as I live in White Rock. An hour and a half, by bus, away. Again, works for me. The one that lives in White Rock, though he is a nice person, he goes out for dinner every night, TIPS, and only eats a this one Greek restaurant. This, I simply can't afford to do and I need variety for dinner. I need to cook for myself. In my present situation, living where I am, I can't cook what I want, when I want, without complaints. "Why are you cooking so late, It is to hot in here to cook this late" So I am getting into arguments with them, about this.
I need a change and it is becoming hard to do this. Not much available. I need to be able to use my own living room, cook when I want, do what I want, without someone getting in my way.
I have lived with to many roommates over the years. The worst part is that before I moved in here, I knew no one that did drugs. I didn't even know the two other tenants in this suite. Just the lady in the wheelchair. Nobody I know does drugs in any shape or form. They don't drink or barely drink.
Yes they will probable read this, but who cares. I don't. That is why this is raw and real. The way it should be. Nothing being held back. I started it this way and I will continue with it this way. Until the end.
I still want to turn this into a book. If anyone out there knows any Ghost writers, let me know.
So I have to eat, I am starting to crash. Need to take my diabetes medication, so that means I need to eat.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
