Hello again
I went to the doctors today, again, and he asked me if I was checking my glucose levels. I tell him I didn't even know I was to do this. So I need one of those glucose level checkers and strips. I am totally new at this. I don't even know what it is called. Then the doctor writes a prescription for the machine strips. Off to the pharmacist I go. No I am not covered. This is almost $200. I have to pay, from what I don't know. And on top of this they told me I need to get a bracelet to let anyone know I am a diabetic.
Just great.
I have been having pains through out my left arm. I mentioned this while at the doctors. He sent me straight to the lab for an EKG and more blood tests. I will know tomorrow.
Just great.
;I am so stressed out that it is probably stressed related. I do hope it is not a mild heart attack. Don't need this on top of being told I am diabetic. Still not use to that yet.
Now I am having difficulties with my grief. I am very sad today. Things are not working out and I am becoming more and more depressed. I miss mom greatly. Learning all this, I would of had someone to talk to about all of what is going on.
I have no one to discuss this with. Not a soul. I realize I am truly alone now. There is no one who I can put down as an emergency contact. There is no one who I can call and speak with. There is no one I can even go for coffee with.
ALONE. I have been alone before, but I always knew I had my mother to call and talk to. That is before she became ill. Even then, I wouldn't tell her what is going on, I didn't want mom to be worried or get upset. But I knew I could go to her and sit with her, hold her hand, cry if I needed to. I would just tell her I am crying because I love her so much and that I was crying because I am so great full to be able to look after her. I would be comforted by just being beside her. I knew my mother loved me. Now, no one loves me. Pity me, pity me.
I don't write because I want your pity. No I write to let all know that loosing a loved one is just part of what happens in my life. How extremely painful it is. How lonely it really is. No one knows this until it happens and there is no one around you who can handle what it is that is going on with you.
I have no idea what is going to happen now. I need to go to a diabetic clinic for lessens on how to use a glucose tester, that I don't have and no funds to purchase it. I need to go so that is exactly what I will do.
It is becoming very difficult for me to deal
I am out.
GOD bless and good night
Oh yea, I have no idea what is next or what is going to happen in the next month. Or even what the next step is with my faith. I know I need to start going to church again.
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
But I do know one thing, I need help and I can't do this alone. It is to painful for me.
Whatever right!
