Hello again
It has been days now since my last post. I have been getting back really late and have been very tired. This diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes is different for me.I have to take this medication. Which makes my crashes worse. Now when I crash it is hard and I become extremely week.
I am trying to change things around. Slowly
It has hit me hard that mom is gone. I thought about it last night and all day today, how I would read to her each night, sing to her. I have the music I played for her and it is difficult to even listen to it. Especially, since I like jazz and all the music she listened to. Not doing well.
Having allot of anxiety attacks. I don't want to speak with anyone at all right now. Not even friends. I am just going to leave this alone for awhile. Just not call anyone. I am to messed up. I am getting very angry and frustrated as well as becoming extremely annoyed at everything and everyone.
I am trying to do things and I am just being bome-barded with these petty things which are causing me to become annoyed and snappy.
I need a big change in my life.
I am not doing well. I am truly alone. I am OK with it, but I am not.
I just want to be alone, just to do my thing
I have my driving test August 23, and I really can't wait for that. It will free me up. And better opportunities in allot of things.
My cousin is still sending me emails containing post for jobs. Jobs that I won't or can't do. She just doesn't get it.
Leave me alone. Stop sending anything.
She was extremely insulting in a text thread. I just stopped texting her and that will be it . I will not text her anymore. I told her if she wants to speak with me and talk, Call and we will meet for coffee. But no.
Than it is OK with me.
I don't have a family. They want nothing to do with me. It is OK I have not wanted anything to do with them, most of my life.
They keep saying they want nothing to do with me because I am on drugs.
Clean and sober 15 years. Never did anything but smoked pot and drank beer. Besides having all of these problems. Smoking is my only vice. and I want to quit this. Ok a little junk food. Which I have to stop now.
As you can see I am all over the place.
I misplaced or lost an extremely important receipt. Extremely important. Just to messed up lately I have no idea where I put it. I just got it, last Tuesday. Where I usually put receipts, it is not there. I am upset.
I need to go now, I am crashing and need to eat.
Back soon.
I think I need to start this again. Important to me.
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
