Hello again
Back again. So soon you say. I need to start to write daily again. It is very cathartic for me.
So today because of not being able to sleep properly for the last several weeks, I missed an appointment with a grief counselor. My sleep problem started just before Mother's Day. And has continued to this day.
That was the hardest day for me. I just can't stop thinking she is still around. I miss so much about taking care of her. My fondest memory is holding her hand each night, while mom fell asleep. I just can't stop thinking about this.
I have her ashes and I talk to her daily. I think I am loosing my mind, but that is the way it is. So I loose my mind. It is not being used for anything purposeful at the moment. I called the grief counselor back, but she wasn't' in the office. So I left a message explaining my insomnia. How since Mother's day it has been really bad.
I am very tired and just not doing well.
I am in a place, as I explained it to y'all already, where my life is not going well. I just can't take it here anymore. But because I took care of mom, all those years. I have bad credit, so this is going to make looking for a place more difficult. I will succeed. I just have to keep telling myself this. Or I will really loose my mind.
I have to be out by the end of June. I can't do it anymore. I can't constantly, daily, being asked for something. Though I make the least of all three of them. They are asking me for things. That is what happens when you are drug addicts. And I can't be around this. My health is suffering.
So I don't stick around much during the day. Hence just riding the bus. Just to get away from this nonsense
My mood is just meh. That's it.
I am experiencing depression about moving. Thinking this is what I deserve. I don't deserve to be living on my own and having something. I deserve to be living with these people.
It was my fault that I ended up here. No one else to blame.
I need to eat and sleep. I have to go.
Until tomorrow night.
Please help me to give mom a memorial service. I can't move on until this happens. Please donate to
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
