As mentioned, I just don't care anymore if I have friends or not. I really don't. I will continue to do things alone, as I have always done them. This is because I ask for help with some important things, such as giving my mother a proper service, and what happens. I receive no help from anyone. No one. I put up a fundraising site and just two people donated . I am along way from what is needed. My mother passed away at the end of January. And still has had no service.
I can tell you this, I know it for a fact, that if anyone's parents passes away, and they had no funds to bury them. They would be doing the same thing I am doing. Trying to get funds to give their parent a burial.
But do you think I can get this done. NO! It is not even that much I seek.
I spent over a dozen years taking care of my mother, with no regrets. That was my job. I did nothing else but take care of my mother. And at the beginning, my father as well. I had to travel all over the lowermainland to do this as well. And do it by bus, hitchhiking, borrowed cars etc... With no help from anyone. I did it myself. Not even my sisters lent a hand.
I did everything for my mother and would do it all over again if I had to. Again with no regrets. I would not even blink an eye doing it again. From the time I arrived at mom's care facility, I did everything, no one had to do anything for mom. I made sure my mother had good food, fresh fruit, her favorite desserts, chocolates. I made sure my mother had new clothing. Not cheap crap. But nice new, up to date clothing. So my mother could feel good about herself. I even made sure her room was decorated all the time, for each season.
Can anyone even say they would put in the time I put into making sure their mother was this well taken care of/.
THE ANSWER IS NO.
I was in the homes, I saw how many family members came to see their parents, grandparents, how often they came. This answer is not very often.
And during this, I lived very poorly so I could make sure my mother had the extra's she deserved. I gave up my last dime for mom and would still do it again. It didn't matter to me if I was poor. As long as mom had everything I was OK with living a poor and lonely life. Yes lonely, I had no friends and really don't have any now,.
Mom was first and I was last. If I had nothing and there was something in the fridge that was for mom, I would not touch it. As it was for mom, to make her a home cooked meal. I would go without. And I did for many days in a row and often. It was OK. Mom was first I was last.
Now friends who gives a crap, Not a single person has been here for me, during the most trying time of my life. NOT A ONE. No one to just listen, no one to speak with. No one to just listen and let me cry if I needed too.
The only person who actually phoned me to just listen and hear me, was this lovely lady from the Fraser Health complaint office. I was impressed with that. That was it. Not another single soul called me up to express their sympathy for me.
Isn't that nice. A world that preaches tolerance and love, But cannot even express it to someone who is experiencing great sadness and loss. A person who cannot even make it a day without crying and feeling deeply depressed. I have to take medication just so I can get through a day. Otherwise it is to difficult for me. I wouldn't even get out of bed.
I can't even find a doctor to help me. Not one to suggest a place for me to go and seek help for this. I am on the phone, constantly, trying to get help.
I wonder around each day, without a purpose. I am beginning over in life. My last 15 years has been a caregiver. I had no time for a girlfriend, didn't want one. My mother was the only women in my life. Because she needed someone who actually cared about her and would be their for her. That was me. My life was my mothers life.
I grieve and am extremely saddened by the loss of my mother. Yet no one gives a crap if I am suffering or not. I am deeply depressed over my loss.
And the only thing I want to do, the last thing I could do for my mother, is give her a burial she deserves. Give her the respect she deserves. To have others come together and speak on what a beautiful soul my mother was.
DO YOU THINK I CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN. NOT A CHANCE.
I lived poorly, so therefore I have nothing. Get it. I have nothing, as every extra bit of money I had went to make sure my beautiful mother was well taken cared for. Nothing else, but this.
So this mean I don't have a pot to piss in..... NO MONEY TO GIVE MY MOTHER A BURIAL SHE DESERVES.
I have no friends. The people I live with a users. I make the least out of everyone here and they are constantly asking me for something.
I need help. Or I won't make it.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
You can still donate to: https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
