I can't write this any better so I am just going to copy and paste this information from Recover from grief. com. It is what I am going through, what I am dealing with right now. Not tomorrow but right now.
I hurt deeply, I am in pain. Though I may not show it to other's, but I am in emotional turmoil. just spinning around and around.
Everything wasn't really affecting me up until last week, maybe the week before. When I was able to get the sign and stamped, sealed, letter from the lawyer stating I can have mom's ashes. Signed by both sister's. So it is a legal binding contract.
After this, all hell broke loose in my life. The feelings came rushing in, the emotions, the hurt, the guilt. I have no idea where I am right now, I just know I am going through something that is not a good thing to got through. The pain I feel alone, is a major problem.
But I digress, I will let y'all read what I should be going through, And what I am and about to go through.
Recoverfromgrief.com
The final stage model we have included is the "7 stages of grief".
Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.
For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".
"The 7 Stages of Grief"
Here is the grief model we call the 7 Stages of Grief:
- SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks. - PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. - ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back") - "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
More 7 stages of grief... - THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. - RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her. - ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
You have made it through the 7 stages of grief.
You are likely here because you have experienced the horrible, painful loss of a loved one. And I am so very sorry for your loss.
In your quest to find help with your grief, you may have come across some "quick fixes" offered over the Internet. Shame on them! What could be worse than taking advantage of someone who is grappling with a tragic loss in their life like you are?
Sadly, there is no "quick fix" to grief, but there are more effective and comfortable ways to help mend your broken heart and lead you gently back to brighter days.
You may be one of those people who would never seek professional help, or lean on a support group, or even cry on the shoulder of a trusted friend. Your grief is just too personal and painful to share openly. If that describes you, then this guidebook is sure to help you. In the privacy of your own home, you will learn all about the stages of grief and how to survive each one.
In your quest to find help with your grief, you may have come across some "quick fixes" offered over the Internet. Shame on them! What could be worse than taking advantage of someone who is grappling with a tragic loss in their life like you are?
Sadly, there is no "quick fix" to grief, but there are more effective and comfortable ways to help mend your broken heart and lead you gently back to brighter days.
You may be one of those people who would never seek professional help, or lean on a support group, or even cry on the shoulder of a trusted friend. Your grief is just too personal and painful to share openly. If that describes you, then this guidebook is sure to help you. In the privacy of your own home, you will learn all about the stages of grief and how to survive each one.
Welcome to "Back to Life!", our comprehensive and personal Guidebook to Grief.
Here you will learn:
- Good, solid information on how the grief "process" really works.
- Which symptoms of grief are normal, and which are dangerous warning signs.
- Valuable and practical coping skills to help you get through each day.
- Secrets to getting a good night's restorative sleep without prescription drugs.
- How to endure the holidays and thoughtless visitors.
- How to identify and defuse anger, guilt, and regret.
- Family changes to look for and how to keep your family intact through this tragedy.
- Just the right activities and comforting rituals to help ease you through your darkest days.
- Tried and true psychological exercises and strategies to help lessen the raw pain.
- Satisfying and therapeutic creative expressions of grief.
- Effective memorializing techniques to honor and remember your lost loved one.
- How to cling to hope and move surely towards brighter days.
I realize that not all these techniques will help you... everyone's grief is unique, and different coping styles and approaches will work for each person. But you are sure to find something here of great value to you on your bereavement journey.
Written by an experienced critical care nurse and certified grief counselor, our excellent handbook will guide you through despair and help you learn to embrace hope and joy once again. This enlightened and compassionate approach to grief recovery is sure to help lighten your heavy burden, leading you gently towards successful resolution... and back to life once again.
Heartbroken from grief...
WHAT'S IN THE BOOK?
Back to Life is a comprehensive, quality bereavement handbook. It consists of 73 pages that explore many aspects of grief in detail. There are 19 chapters or "lessons", each addressing a different aspect of grief, a coping skill or a strategy for emotional survival:
Heartbroken from grief...
INTRODUCTION: You will survive! Outlines our 19 step program towards healthy resolution of grief.
I. THE EARLY STAGES OF GRIEF
Chapter 1. In the Beginning... Is this for real? Acknowledging your pain and accepting the reality of the death. One simple thing you can do when you feel overwhelmed. Physical signs and strange sensations you might experience.
Chapter 2. Tell Your Story- It's normal to relive the events of the death and to tell your story many times over. Here's two comforting ways you can tell your story again... when no one is around to listen.
Chapter 3. Indulge Your Grief- It's important not to avoid or push grief away, especially in the beginning. Why your friends may try to distract you from your mourning; and how not to give in.
Chapter 4. Forgive Them- Why would someone say something that stupid and hurtful to me at a time like this? How to handle thoughtless visitors and avoid adding emotional baggage to your burden.
Chapter 5. Anger and Blame- So you are not mad about the death?Identifying hidden anger points and a simple exercise to help defuse this destructive emotion.
Chapter 6. Relief and Guilt- Of course you wish things had gone differently, but do you really deserve to feel guilty? This chapter presents a tried-and-true technique for ending the Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda mind game forever.
Chapter 7. Celebrate a Life- You'll find it very therapeutic to create a memorial to your lost loved one. Here we present several project ideas to consider, as well as group activities to help other family members express their grief.
Chapter 8. An Academy Award Performance... Why are my friends starting to avoid me? How to reach out for the love and support you desperately need right now.
Chapter 2. Tell Your Story- It's normal to relive the events of the death and to tell your story many times over. Here's two comforting ways you can tell your story again... when no one is around to listen.
Chapter 3. Indulge Your Grief- It's important not to avoid or push grief away, especially in the beginning. Why your friends may try to distract you from your mourning; and how not to give in.
Chapter 4. Forgive Them- Why would someone say something that stupid and hurtful to me at a time like this? How to handle thoughtless visitors and avoid adding emotional baggage to your burden.
Chapter 5. Anger and Blame- So you are not mad about the death?Identifying hidden anger points and a simple exercise to help defuse this destructive emotion.
Chapter 6. Relief and Guilt- Of course you wish things had gone differently, but do you really deserve to feel guilty? This chapter presents a tried-and-true technique for ending the Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda mind game forever.
Chapter 7. Celebrate a Life- You'll find it very therapeutic to create a memorial to your lost loved one. Here we present several project ideas to consider, as well as group activities to help other family members express their grief.
Chapter 8. An Academy Award Performance... Why are my friends starting to avoid me? How to reach out for the love and support you desperately need right now.
II. DIG IN FOR THE LONG HAUL-
THE MIDDLE STAGES OF GRIEF
Chapter 9. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly- It's normal in grief to glorify your lost beloved. Learn why it is important later to explore the negatives, and an easy exercise to help you do so.
Chapter 10. Uh oh, Christmas is Coming... A recurrent theme we hear over and over.... how hard it is to deal with holidays and anniversaries. This chapter provides great strategies to help make those special days more bearable, even enjoyable.
Chapter 11. So What's to Laugh About? Laugh? I can't even smile! How to find glimmers of happiness to help you through the dark times.
Chapter 12. Don't grieve alone- No one you can rely on? How to ask for the help you need; and a special group of folks who "get it".
Chapter 13. Everyone needs a little help sometimes- Some special sources of help you might not have thought about...
Chapter 14. What silver lining? Learn which decisions to avoid for now, and for how long. Finding meaning in the death. And a little soul searching will help you realize the positives in your new life.
Chapter 10. Uh oh, Christmas is Coming... A recurrent theme we hear over and over.... how hard it is to deal with holidays and anniversaries. This chapter provides great strategies to help make those special days more bearable, even enjoyable.
Chapter 11. So What's to Laugh About? Laugh? I can't even smile! How to find glimmers of happiness to help you through the dark times.
Chapter 12. Don't grieve alone- No one you can rely on? How to ask for the help you need; and a special group of folks who "get it".
Chapter 13. Everyone needs a little help sometimes- Some special sources of help you might not have thought about...
Chapter 14. What silver lining? Learn which decisions to avoid for now, and for how long. Finding meaning in the death. And a little soul searching will help you realize the positives in your new life.
III. ACCEPTANCE & RESOLUTION-
THE END OF BEREAVEMENT
Chapter 15. Saying Goodbye- It is healthy late in bereavement to say goodbye to your lost one; to relinquish some of the grief. Here we teach you an easy but effective way to bid farewell.
Chapter 16. Box Up the Grief- At some point you'll realize you need to "compartmentalize" your grief, ease it into the background so you can cope long-term. Learn simple mental and physical techniques to help achieve this goal.
Chapter 17. A New Beginning- All about new relationships, new interests, and a new outlook on life.
Chapter 18. Break the Vicious Cycle- Feel stuck in your bereavement? Tired of grieving? Ready to reclaim your freedom? Time for the big guns! Chapter 18 teaches you some very effective imagery techniques to help you take charge of your life and direct your own future.
Chapter 19. The End of Grief (Resolution)- How do you know when you are finished grieving? Signs of the resolution of grief; some helpful insights from the author.
Chapter 16. Box Up the Grief- At some point you'll realize you need to "compartmentalize" your grief, ease it into the background so you can cope long-term. Learn simple mental and physical techniques to help achieve this goal.
Chapter 17. A New Beginning- All about new relationships, new interests, and a new outlook on life.
Chapter 18. Break the Vicious Cycle- Feel stuck in your bereavement? Tired of grieving? Ready to reclaim your freedom? Time for the big guns! Chapter 18 teaches you some very effective imagery techniques to help you take charge of your life and direct your own future.
Chapter 19. The End of Grief (Resolution)- How do you know when you are finished grieving? Signs of the resolution of grief; some helpful insights from the author.
I just wish I could afford this handbook.
So anyways, I must ask again.
I need your assistance to give mom and memorial service. To bring, those whoes lives were touched and changed, because of my mother. Together to say our goodbyes.
Mom, Mary Rose Schmuland. was a beautiful person, had a wonderful soul. Touched many lives. And changed many lives.
I ask for your help to bring all these people together to say their goodbyes to Mary Rose Schmuland And to have a celebration of life for her with her favorite music being played at the reception.
Please donate as little as $5.00. The price of the average coffee, now a days.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
I am very tired and stressed right now. But I need to eat something. I think it has been a few days since I ate. Maybe. I know I have been eating nuts and seeds.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
