Hello again
Well I been looking at all the photo's I have of mom and decided I am going to have them all printed out. The only problem I have is I can't even look at them, without crying.
It has only been a couple of months and it is not getting any better for me. In fact it is getting worse. I am truly lost. I have no one to talk to about this. Everyone I know, which is not many people, just don't get it. They have not gone through what I have been through. Yes there are those who spend time with their loved one's. But they do not fight for their rights. They complain allot about all the things that are wrong and are not being done for their loved one's. Yet are to afraid to do anything about it.
That is where I differ from most. And this is why, I am sure, I am banned from the entire Al Hogg building. I wonder if I am even allowed in the hospital. If there is something wrong and I need help, will I even get it.
I will and have and will continue to fight for mom's rights. I believe I should be speaking with a lawyer right about now. After the abuse I had to go through, and all mom went through. Let us not forget the fact that I told them, do not give mom any morphine, that it will kill her, She is an elderly women who has never had morphine before. And when I was not there, they gave it to her. Under the pretense, that mom was in pain. Mom was not in pain and she passed away peacefully. I could see that mom was in no pain.
This is a good thing. Yet I am not happy with anything that was done during the final months of mom's life. I was not allowed to feed her, even though mom was hungry and she could eat. All were telling me that mom cannot swallow her food. Well she ate yesterday, without any problems.
And then to give me an ultimatum, if you feed her we will do this. I have the letter.
What they don't seem to understand is I took pictures of all the bruises that mom received, at the hands of some of the staff. I won't say anything about who it was.
So I have to move forward with this. I miss the residents that I got to know. And I know they are wondering why I am not coming to visit them. These individuals don't have many people in their lives, They are lonely. I was there and I saw who had company and who didn't.
I realize now, I have no idea what is next. I did this for over a decade, without stopping. Everyday. I traveled all over the lowermainland to take care of mom. And I am so proud of what I did. Forget that, I hate bragging about this. It was GOD who gave me the strength to do this everyday.
OK I did it. I did it because I did not want mom to be alone. At anytime. I wanted mom to know that she was loved, unconditionally. No matter what her condition was. I would be there for her. And I would do whatever was necessary. Feeding her, cleaning her, give mom her nightly spa treatment. and everything else that I did for her.
I really have to emphasize that I did everything for my mom, from the heart. I loved her, excuse me I love her very much. My mother was my world, my mother was my life, My mother was everything to me and all of me.
I never did anything in my life that was worth while, but take care of my mother. That is it for my achievements in my life that actually meant anything, that was worth while.
I know I am nothing. I know I am a looser as most would say. I know I have nothing. My taking care of mom was the best thing I did in my life.
Nothing can compare to it. Again I say that. I am sorry I have repeated myself, but to be honest, I have no idea what is next or what to do next. I feel that this was the biggest thing I can ever of done in my life and nothing can top that. I have done what I was to do in my life. Now I am done.
I do not want to even talk to anyone. They just get what I am going through. Even the counselor I have be speaking with understands what it is that I am saying. I have to deal with this. Since none of the people I know understand or even are willing to listen. I have to do this on my own.
I was there for mom, partially because I did not want mom to be alone. Trust me I know what being lonely is all about. I have not had a steady girlfriend in a very long time. Allot longer than you are even thinking. I have gone on a few dates, but they didn't go any further than a few months. I always stated that between 4 pm and 8 pm, daily, I am busy. Mom was my first priority. Plan and simple. I do understand there point of view. I wasn't and still am not available. I am lost and who needs to be around someone who is lost. And who needed to be around someone who was not available. As it was all those years taking care of my mother.
That was just the way it was and that is just the way it is.
I have no idea of what is next. I just know I am lost and. .............. well I just have no clue at the moment. I just know I need to give mom the service she deserves. She touched so many people's lives within her lifetime.
I am sorry but I need to continue to ask. I need everyone's help to achieve this, to give mom and service that is fitting for such a women.
Please donate to https://www/gofundme.com/ka556fdk
Time for me to go now. I am tired and need to eat yet.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
