Hello again
These days I cannot even look at a photo of mom without crying. And it doesn't matter where I am. I am not dealing with this very well. I now realize that. The grieving has not even begun. And I am not prepared for it when it does come.
I really need to speak with a counselor about this . And right away. I guess I will have to get on the phone and call the counselor in the morning.
In the mean time. I still have not had a chance to find out why I am not allowed in the Al Hogg building. But you know what, who cares anyways..
I am going to be taking steps and that is all I will say for now.
Now the matter of mom's ashes. My younger sister called me last week and I had to find a quiet place to speak to her. I was in Vancouver and on the train coming back Way to loud to speak to her. So I go off the train and went into this hotel to call her back.
Well she tells me that the two of them don't want to fight and I can have mom's ashes and the wheelchair. They just want a bit of mom's ashes and I can have some of dad's ashes to put with mom and visa versa.
So I told her I need a letter from each of you stating that you agree to let me have mom's ashes and they will be released to me. I will need to call them again and mention this again to them. And I need it done right away or I will just continue with the Supreme Court Petition. I am working on it and will continue to work on it. I don't trust the two of them, at all.
I have not spoken with them this much in at least 15 years. And not at all in 9, and that was for 15 minutes, over having a Veterans funeral for dad. Which as you all know what happened with that.
They turned around and illegally arranged a funeral without my involvement. And that as against the law Found that out speaking with a lawyer last week.
Now what to do. I have no idea where my life is heading and right now it is heading nowhere. I have so much to do;. I need to get a new doctor and get on disability. I am a mess right now. I don't show it, but I feel it.
It is not a nice feeling. The doctor I have now just won't do anything for me. Won't sign any papers. Papers I need to have filled out.
So I just exist. And barely at that.
The one thing and only one thing I want, is to have a service for mom. That is the only thing I need to happen. After that I could care less what happens to me. I just don't care if I live or die. Really I have nothing. I was told for years that GOD will bless you. I always said I wish HE would bless me now so I could share the blessing with mom and others.
I am still told, just wait and GOD will bless you for what all you did for your mother. I am waiting and I need HIS help now. Emotionally and spiritually. But to date nothing.
I am not expecting the world, but something. A sign that I am on the right path or that I run into someone who, says to me. Oh I am here for you.
Even though I live with people, I am alone and I really am tired of it. ;Loneliness is heart breaking. It is a deep pain that never goes away.
Yet at the same time I am very use to it..
So I go on.
One day soon I will get back to writing about mom. Very soon. I have so much to say about her and her life.
Where do I start.
But it is now late and I need to be up early. I still have things to do, that are leading nowhere.
So GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
I ask again for your help. I is now only for a Memorial Service for my mother Mary Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
