Hello again
It has only been just over a week since mom passed away, It is very difficult for me. I am on the bus everyday, just going to White Rock. I visit some people and then come back. That is it.
I had no phone to contact anyone. But it is back today. I received it early this afternoon. While I was passing back and forth. Not knowing what to do with myself. I knew it was coming, the phone that is, But I needed to leave. Thank GOD it came before I lost my mind. And of course there is the set up of the phone. Which drove me nuts. At least something else was driving me nuts. For a little while I was preoccupied.
At least I have photo's of mom for the last many years. I am looking at them, missing her. Talking to her.
I feel mom's spirit around me, I hear her talking to me. She is OK, she is with Dad and the rest of her family. Her brother that passed away a very long time ago. She got to see him again. That must of been so beautiful for her. To see her mom and dad, grandparents, brother. To be at peace and renewed to her splendered beauty.
I really do miss mom. She was my best friend. Over the last 10 years I got to know the real Mary Schmuland. Not just mom. I got to know her likes, her sarcasm, her wit. What music mom really enjoyed. What movies she liked.
I got to treat my mother like a queen that she was. I was able to sing to her, who knew that I could actually sing. I only started singing 7 years ago and I had no idea that I could sing. Well mom liked my voice anyways. And so did allot of others. People actually asked if I sang before.
I got to hold her hand each night, until she fell asleep. I got to give mom a spa treatment each and every night. This is one thing, even at the end, mom just loved.
When she got sick, all I heard was a voice telling me to wash her. Which I did, Then the voice was saying feed her. Which I did.
But alas, it was her time, GOD was calling her home.
Those last 24 hrs I spent with her, were the most precious moments of my life. I held her hand the entire time, I was there for the very last moment, before she was called home.
I know mom has passed away, it is still very difficult for me.
I need to be on the phone first thing in the morning and calling the hospice for counseling. Now that my phone is back, we can connect.
I still cry all the time and I will for a very long time. I lost my best friend last weekend.
No one seems to get that.
I will never forget all the good times mom and I had over the last 10 to 12 years. I got to know the real women. And her smile, that beautiful smile of hers.
I am lost and hurt. I will never be the same again.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Proud son of Mary Schmuland
