Hello again
Besides the almost breakdown in the pharmacy the other day. Where I shed a few tears. There has been nothing. I would of thought that I would have had a good cry. Instead I am just concentrating on taking care of my mother. I think she knows there is something up with me. But I will not tell her.
All I know is I am going to fight it until the bitter end. The worse part is, again, not having anyone to talk to about what I am going through. Mentally. Or someone to hug. Okay, I really don't like to be touched by anyone except my mother.
Now tonight mom was very tired when I arrived. I could see this in her face. All she wanted was to have dinner and go to bed. I mean right than and there. Sorry I couldn't accommodate her.I know I wasn't anywhere near as fast as mom wanted me to be, in feeding her and getting her ready for bed.
Because they put mom to bed at 2 pm on Monday, she wasn't able to get her hair done, so being Wednesday, it was important for me to do this for her.
Well I brought her to her room, after I took everything out of the fridge for her. Gave her something to drink and a little snack before dinner. I did everything as fast as possible. I warmed her dinner up and then I feed her. By the time the served dinner came around, mom was just about done with her dinner and we were just about to start dessert. This was done and mom was getting upset that I was taking so long to get her hair done. There was no wasting time this evening. No singing to her, just get this done and get me ready for bed. That was her instructions.
Remember I read mom very well. I know what she is saying. I complied. It was get mom to the tub room, get her ready to have her hair washed and wash her hair and dry it. I put a warm blanket on her while I am washing her hair. And today, by the time I was finished drying her hair. Mom was almost asleep. Eye's closed.
And when I brought her back to her room to change her. I do believe she was asleep. She was very relaxed when I changed her and very accommodating.
So I only did her face and arms for the spa treatment. Doing anymore would upset her to much. This was plenty.
I then just held her hand and gave her something else to drink before I packed up for the night. And it was fast asleep for mom. Heavy breathing, almost a snore. But she will maintain a tight grip on my hand, even when she is asleep.
I did write last night as I was trying to come to terms with this disease. Reading more about it. I did really want to shed some tears, but nothing. I just don't get that. I am alone, with nothing, with nobody. Again mostly my doing.
I really hate coming back here at night.
Please pray for mom and I. It is time to be living out their. I can't predict how slow or fast this disease will hit me. I have a none curable disease. Wow, that is allot to take in.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
