Hello again
I am tired of not being able to hear properly. I can't hear behind me and it is becoming an issue for me. As well as other's who think I am ignoring them. Several times this evening I had to explain to other's I could not hear them, that I have lost my hearing and the ability to hear behind me. It is best when I face people.
My freak-en shaking hand and not being able to hold things properly or at all. That is with my right hand. Is really getting on my nerves. I see a different Neurologist at the end of April.
I arrived to have mom sitting with other's, and she was awake. I guess they had her involved in some activities. Which is great for mom.
Now they have considered the outbreak over. The last symptoms were over 72 hours ago. But I am sad to say there was one casualty from this. flu. A very nice man. I knew him well, as well as his son. It was strange, as I rounded the corner, from the court yard. I had a, I guess a premonition, I said to myself where is, blank, I have not seen him is a while. Then my thought just went to he has passed away.
When mom was being changed I ask one of the staff, if blank had passed away today. She said yes.. I explained what happened just before I came in. These are things that happen to me allot. I just know. Just like one of the ladies is going to pass away within a week. Probably sooner. I said a month ago, to myself that this women only has less than a month. It does freak me out. though.
Back to mom. When she saw me, there was this big smile and I could feel her warmth. I proceeded to move mom and take her to her room for drinks and a little snack before dinner. I didn't have much, but I was able to get mom chicken for dinner this evening. She enjoyed it, but when the served meal came she wanted the roast beef. It is okay with me, she ate most of the chicken, then the roast beef. I don't blame her, I have been giving her chicken for a few days now. Time for something different. But she never refuses most things. As I stated, some times she doesn't like what I bring. Again it is okay with me. Not allot of people could live on chicken as I can. It was making me even more hungry than I already am. It is hard to go without when the smell of good food is all around you. I will survive, I will survive, I will survive. This I have to repeat to myself over and over again. As long as I can get through the first several days, my body will calm down. It is the these days that is the hardest when one is hungry.
I am trying. It is hard when you believe in GOD, and GOD will supply all your needs, and it is not happening.
So after mom's dinner, I got her changed. Can't put her to bed or I will get shit from the nurse and then the manager. As I did last week. So I just changed her, put a blanket over her, pulled the chair up and held her hand and sang along with the music that I put on for her. Mom will sing along with me. I like it that she allows me to do this for her, and to be a little bit goofy. It makes her smile. I try to dance with her.
I do say that mom loves Diana Krall, Michael Buble and Harry Connick Jr. After she was changed I put the stereo on shuffle and it was a Harry Connick Jr night. That is what played for the night and continued to play after I left, Which I did not leave until 8 pm this evening. I just wanted to stay.
All I wish to do is to be able to stay as late as possible. The lives of these residents are fragile. As seen by the one resident who passed away because of this flu and the other women who is about to pass away. This is why it is so important that I move to White Rock as soon as possible.
ONE JUST NEVER KNOWS. ALL OF A SUDDEN THINGS CAN CHANGE.
Our lives are finite It is best served that we not take anything for granted. To enjoy each other as much as possible. To not let our loved one's sit, alone and afraid. We need to be there for them. And we need to enjoy our journey's along our paths. Not constantly looking at the destination. It is the journey that matters. What we see and experience along the way. The beauty and the wonders that are put in our paths. And sometimes the weirdness that is people.
Sit and let our loved one's tell us about their lives. What we will learn will can both excite us and take our breaths away. We have only seen a small change in our universe. Our loved one's have been through it all. They were there for everything we take for granted now. The stories they can tell will surprise you.
Unfortunately my mother, not being able to speak, cannot tell me of her life growing up. I get to miss out on this. Because the stroke took her speech away. I didn't get to question my father and let him tell me what it was like and what happened through out his life. And I don't get to hear my mother tell me. This I will sadly miss. I want to know everything about her life. I just don't get this opportunity as most of you get to do.
Sit down with your grandmother, grandfather our whom every it is and ask questions, allot of questions. Get to know the real them. Not who you think they are, it is not real. Each of us have a story to tell but we get married, have kid, who have kids. And we are to busy providing for them to have them get to know the real person that they are. It will surely not expect what you hear.You think you know them, but you don't
This is why I need help, Help to move to White Rock. Help to hear. Help with your prayers.
GOD bless and good night
I will say this again. My mother is first in my life and I am last
Kristopher Schmuland
