Hello again
It has been raining buckets since last night. I was soaked twice today. Yes twice. Got soaked then dried off, then continued on my journey to White Rock, where I was soaked again by the time I made it to mom's.
Tonight as soon as mom grabbed my hand, she started to fall asleep. I was their, was what I saw in her eye's. Even though mom was tired and just wanted to go to bed after dinner. Not wanting for me to wash her hair. She was still very thirsty and hungry.
And mom ate everything I brought for her. I mean everything. Of course she didn't touch the served dinner. It was almost to late by the time they brought it to mom. We were just about done. Mom didn't want to let go of my hand, even when I needed both hands to cut things up. She was reaching for my hand and complaining that I wasn't grabbing it.
No sooner did I start to wash her dishes, she was falling asleep. I have tried to let people know that I don't really hear them if they are speaking to me when they are behind me. This one guy, said hello and how are you doing. I didn't even know he was there until I turned around and he said to me I asked you how you were doing, but you didn't answer me, so I answered for you. Okay I said.
I got mom to her room, quickly changed her and by that time the care aid came in and put her to bed.
By the way, during dinner mom was singing with me to certain songs. It was great. The words did not come out correctly, but I didn't say anything. Part of the disease. I know in mom's head they were the correct words. And she just mumbled most of the words. But mom was singing with me. That is all that matters. She heard the correct words, okay.
Before I even finished the spa treatment and the exercising of her legs. Mom was just about asleep.
I sang our good night song to her and gave her a kiss good night. Then just stood there for a while holding her hand.
Off I went.
I have not told anyone about my diagnosis. I haven't even been able to deal with it myself.
Tonight when I got home, I saw a bsmt suite for rent in White Rock. Yea, again I don't have the money for it. I am now ready to just give up. The landlord said the other day, I need to be out by May. He and his girlfriend are moving in to the downstairs suite.
I hope that weather is nice. I am going to need it to be that way, being homeless and all.
I am not impressed with anything right now. Being told that you have Parkinson's disease, doesn't make for a fun week. Then finding out I have to be out in a few months.
As well as to now deal with a new PGT case manager who says one thing and than another. With her I have to hear what she is saying and hear what she is not saying.
I am fed up. I need a break.
In all the years I have been taking care of my parents and now mom. Not a single person has helped me in anyway.
Allot of people think I don't deserve help. That I am an asshole. I take great care of my mother. NO one else takes care of their loved one as I do.There has not even been someone who even asked me if I am alright, lets go for coffee. etc..... I have done everything myself. Fighting for her rights, constantly having deal with the care aids. The abuse of my mom. And all the formal complaints that go along with these things.
I do everything I can for mom. I keep asking for some kind of help. But, no,nothing. Mom deserves me to be out their for her. If not for me, but for my mother. I am not asking for much. Cheap rent and I will help out. Help do things around the place.
I am really tired of people who say you will be blessed. I don't believe a single word of it, anymore. I have been struggling to stay healthy. I am in pain all the time.
Enough. I am done.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
