Hello again
I just recently received a comment from this women or man who is all up in arms and stating that I am pretending to be a doctor and am preying on and taking advantage of seniors.
First of all I really don't think seniors are reading this blog. Maybe some are. Thanks for that.
Then pretending to be a doctor. Giving advice. Well the only advice I give, is not actually advice. It is from years of experience caring for loved one's with Alzheimer's/Dementia and who have had strokes. I share what works and what doesn't. Through trial and error I share my experience. And years of researching and reading as much as I can find on this subject. Constant feeds from Google Scholar and other reputable institutions. John's Hopkins center for memory disorders. I read white papers, and all the books I can find on this. And have been doing so for many years.
I would consider myself very well versed on the subject. I don't write this to brag, but I do have many years of experience and research under my belt. Which can help someone and has helped.
On the sides of my Blog are constant, automatic updated news feeds on the latest research and information on Alzheimer's I put this their so everyone who reads this, can have up to date information and news.
Never have I stated that I am a doctor. I am though, a behaviorist. I study human behavior. Why people do certain things. Change your behavior, change your life.
You would say Physician heal thy self. Change your own behavior.
You see it is not that simple. I suffer from severe depression. Robing Williams masked his depression by doing stand up. I mask mine through my personality.
I am on. I have a charismatic personality. I am enduring, caring, patient, trustworthy and loyal. If you were to meet me, you too, would tell me your life story. Without hesitation. I have that type of personality.
Little does anyone know, that on the inside, I am suffering and in pain. Not physical, but psychological. I beat myself up all the time.
It just does not show. You would never know I am suffering from depression. It is not fun, It is not my choice. I have suffered with depression for a very long time.
I, too, have had my own battle with substance abuse. I drank excessively and smoked an enormous amount of pot. I did some coke, but it interfered with my drunk.
I knew early on in life that I cannot drink or do drugs. It doesn't work for me. Or I don't work for it. We just don't get along. I drank because of depression. As with most Alcoholics. We are just not good enough, for ourselves and others.
I don't want to give advice. So maybe I should be saying; I am not good enough, for myself and others.
Though I have been sober once for ten years and now going on 11 years. I am not void of the addiction. As with others, it is easy to get back into. I have to be on the watch. I don't drink and that is what I tell myself everyday and tell others the same thing. I don't, however, tell others, I have addiction problems.
Yes I changed my behavior to keep clean. And it is working. This does not stop what I feel inside about myself. Or the pain it is causing me.
Living clean and sober, does not stop me from feeling the way I do. Allot of the time, I hate myself and am not worthy to even look after my mother.
Do I or have I had thoughts of suicide. Yes I have had these thoughts. Have I tried to commit suicide. No I have not.
You see I am just as messed up as the next person. And don't tell me your not messed up. We all have our own demons to deal with. Some worse than others. As vast majority of individuals suffer or have suffered some sort of depression. And if one thinks they don't have some sort of mental illness, they are fooling themselves.
Yes depression is a mental illness. Having a huge ego is a form of mental illness. Shall I go on.
I don't write this for anyone's approval.
I have asked many times for financial help. And have never received it from anyone who reads this Blog. May never will.
And we all have wish lists. I just make mine public. I know my wants, and I know my needs.
Well mom was a little impatient tonight. Wanting to hurry through dinner, because of the chocolate cake staring her in the face. Wanting to go to bed, but wanting her hair done.
After dinner, we went and did the dishes. And when done, because I though she was tired, we went back to her room. Well the look on her face told the whole story. It is Friday and why aren't we going to wash my hair. I could see it in her face. Even though she was tired and grumpy. This had to be done. So I did as mom wished.
Then got her changed and put into bed. When the staff came to change her pad, mom was complaining away. I just held her hands while the girl did what was needed.
When mom gets this grumpy, she may take a swing at me or the staff. This is why they like me to help out I keep mom calm.
As for me. I am also in physical pain. And would like to draw and write again without the pain associated with doing these tasks.
Splitting headache today and all stressed out.
I do need to stop now. It is really beginning to hurt my right arm.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
