Hello again
It is now Saturday night and I am doing my laundry. Well, actually, mom's and my laundry. I do this now, and have been doing mom's laundry for a while now. Nothing gets ruined or goes missing.
I brought mom this fish last night and a salad. Well the fish was horrible and the salad was a little difficult for mom to chew. I threw it away. Mom wouldn't eat and and I tasted it and, not a chance.
So I made mom dinner this evening. Nugget potatoes and mushrooms and thinly sliced rib eye steak( it is inexpensive and comes already sliced)
She enjoyed this and ate everything on the plate and more. Plus of course the usual papaya and avocado.
The care aid, for the last few nights, doesn't get it. I need to leave at a certain time. And mom is suppose to be put into bed between 6 and 6:30, not 7 pm. Come on, I need time to give mom her nightly spa treatment and stand with her while she relaxes and falls to sleep. I hate being rushed.
She can't read or just doesn't care. I will be speaking with the nurse tomorrow. I know him well and we can speak easily.
And the roommate is getting worse by the day. It seems her Alzheimer's is getting worse. She, daily, is having hallucinations and lengthy conversations with no one, and insisting that the person is in the room, right next to me or other staff. Argues that they are right their. She is now very disrupted to mom. The TV is loud, the lights are on and she is having serious hallucinations.
Other's get to have the lights out at a certain time, but not mom. Of course my sister's don't care and/or doesn't want mom to be moved. And the individual in charge of moving residents is male biased. And doesn't listen to anything I say.
Time to go to the MLA on Monday.
I am a mess, I don't even want to be where I am anymore. I am done. It is cold in here and the landlord keeps turning down the heat. The thermostats are covered and most of them, in the suite are fake. The only heat for the entire living area is in the one hall way and controlled by the thermostat in the one bedroom, which he keeps coming over and turning it off and locking the door. So no heat in the living area.
I have an oil heater in my room, which provides enough heat for me. To much if I leave it on. But not where I am now. I am wearing two sweaters, sweats and socks. I am still cold.
On top of this I have major depression, which is getting worse. The anti depressants the doctor gave me require me to eat when taking them and I am to take them in the morning. Well I eat once a day, it that, and I don't have the money to eat three or even two meals a day. Let alone one good meal in a day. And they a ruining my stomach. Well where, I can't take them. Even though I need them.
Catch 22. This is making things worse. The doctor doesn't get it. Time to really just lay it on the line with him.
Whatever, right. As if anyone gives a crap. No one that I know. Wait, I don't know anyone. I go days,even weeks without having a conversation with anyone. Outside dealing with issues involving mom. It has been years since I even sat with someone at a coffee shop and just spoke about anything.
I am very lonely and alone. This is how I get my turmoil out. I write! This is my solace!
Mom is doing fine and it breaks my heart that I can' find a place in White Rock so I can be closer to her and to be able to get to bed before 3 am. To be able to be there for mom more often and get something together to assist mom even more.
I would eliminate 6 or 7 hours a day of travel. And do something constructive with those hours to improve mom's life.
Just makes me even more depressed.
I have to go now. 12:30 now
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
