Hello again
When I arrived this day, I was surprised that mom was up and dressed. She looked good, all dressed in blue. Goes with her eye's. As it is Sunday and it is bath day. Which means mom is put in bed after her bath.
The staff were surprised as well, and said to me, must of been a casual. Not knowing mom is put in bed after her bath. But I like it. Mom spends to much time in bed as it is. They don't get her up until 11 AM and then she is back in bed by 6 PM.
No wonder mom is so tired. Not enough time being around others. Or she is just bored.. As I would be, not being able to do anything for yourself.
But during dinner, mom got made at me for doing everything for her. She just wants to try to do something for herself. I agree, and will let her do as much as she can from now on.
She was wearing the sweater I just bought her, which is cotton and light blue. Which shows up every little thing spilled on it. I am soaking it as I write this. Trying to get out the stains.
It is difficult when one does not have conversations for days at a time. Really you loose the ability to communicate. Especially since I am also in pain still from throwing out my back last week. It is lasting longer than I thought it would. So far days longer than the last time. And taking pain killers. Makes it difficult to converse. OK not really, these are not that strong at all.
Back to mom.
I feel so bad that I have to leave so early each night. I would like to stay latter until mom is completely asleep. Not almost there. I apologize to her each night when I leave. It would be the greatest feeling to finally say to mom. " I don't have to leave now, as I live not far away, now. So I can stay until you fall asleep." That would be the greatest feeling ever..........
I don't need much, or a large place. A bachelor suite is perfect for me. And even the shared accommodations in White Rock are in the $600.00 range. For a room. Not going to happen. I am sure for a few dollars more I can find a bachelor suite. Again I don't need allot of space. It is just me, after all, and I am not home all the time. I don't even need cable. Just the Internet and I am set. OK I need just about everything for the suite. Except a bedroom suite, which I have.
I am sure y'all are tired of me repeating myself so I will let y'all go now.
Remember, my life is nothing without me looking after my mother. I am a waste of skin in other wards. And I will do whatever I can to make mom's life better. I do not eat the way I cook for her. Not at all.
I feel guilty that I can't do more for mom.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
I have chosen this life of servitude, taking care of mom. But would like some help occasionally. And is it selfish of me to also want some things.
