Hello again
I have been having problems with connecting to the Internet,. In the house there are 6 people with computers. And one asshole likes to stream all the time. Even though we have said that he is using to much bandwidth and no one else can do anything online.
I use to get a decent connection in my room. Now I can't even load a browser. Nothing. I have complained to the landlord, almost daily, and he has done nothing about it.
Another reason I need to move. Now if he doesn't do anything about it, right away, I will have to file a complaint with the Residential Tenancy Branch. I only care about the Internet. After all I have no TV or a TV connection in my room.
I am in extreme pain today. Went to the doctor, nothing broken in my knee. So I now need to go to physiotherapy. The problem with this is that there is a service charge, which is $25.00 each visit. And I don't have these funds. So I don't get better.
This is due to the bus accident. This is a major problem with being poor and disabled. Can't get help with anything. No one even gives a crap. I would know. I have been a caregiver to my mother for 8 years now, and before a caregiver to my father for 5 years. There is overlapping of course.
It is very lonely being a caregiver. Friends disappeared from my life. Completely disappeared. Besides my mother I am completely alone in life. Absolutely and completely alone. No one to speak with about anything. To discuss how things are going. Or even to have a coffee with and speak about random nothingness.
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I have no one in my life. OK, I made the decision not to date anyone. I made the decision to be my mothers caregiver. And I am proud of what I am doing. I am doing something worthwhile with my life. I am assisting another human being with their life. I am serving my mother. And by doing so, I am serving GOD.
I do believe that I am a joke to GOD. That HE finds endless humour with my life. I pray all the time. I speak with GOD all the time. I read the word everyday. Some times twice a day. At home, at night and then on my phone, while traveling to and from Coquitlam to White Rock.
I have no family for support. Basically mom and I are all alone in the journey. Apparently I have sisters and mom has a brother. But does anyone see any of them. Not at all
People say they are afraid or don't know how to act around mom. Well to freaking bad. Suck it up and do the right thing for once in your miserable lives. Instead of taking advantage of mom. Which they can't do anymore.
Yet I am really OK with their lack of interest. I actually prefer it this way. Keep the freak out of my way. Is all I have to say to them.
But it would be nice to speak with someone, outside of the home. With the meaningless pleasantries. I am board of speaking with these people. OK it is an asshole thing to say. But the truth is the truth.
Instead of helping each other with support. Everyone is to busy being selfish in their walk.
I am loosing my ability to speak. Since it is not often that I do this. These are things that happen when one is isolated from life as I am .
Again, this has nothing to do with me caring for my mother. Which is the best part of my day. The part I look forward to.
Mom is the part of my life that makes me happy. Is it safe to make someone, that important in your life. Why yes it is. If I am willing to give up my life for my mother. Why wouldn't I enjoy having my mother part of my happiness.
The nurse is not on anymore and mom is eating much better, not so tired at dinner time. More aware. It makes a big difference who is working.
I need to go now. I am extremely pissed off at this new guy. He is an asshole and I won't be putting up with him much longer.
Sorry to even write that, but the truth is the truth.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
