Hello again
I would like to thank all the individuals from all of the different countries who read this little blog. I guess I should of written down all of the different countries, that read my blog. It would be interesting to know.
I write today to say I am tired of the idiot family members who only write negative things about me and what I do. But have never actually done anything for my mother. Or even met her. This idiot is just married to one of the Rednecks in my family. The other sister is trailer trash.
They have no idea about what my mother is about. Who she is or even who she was. Mom and dad did everything for them. They took advantage of them. Took everything they could from them.
Then they deny it every happened to make themselves look good in front of others. We never did that or we never did this. People lie.
I don't give a crap if they don't know how to deal with mom and what she is going through. SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT. IT IS YOUR MOTHER. You imbecilic morons.
If not, than allow me to have commentee of person, so I can make sure mom is well taken care of. So she is treated with respect and dignity.
Don't get me wrong, I am nothing special. I am just a person who lives daily, knowing that I will not feel guilt when mom passes or I don't feel guilt about my dad's passing. I was their and I am their.
I know what the right thing to do in life is and I am doing it. I am an imperfect person with many flaws. I rise above my flaws and struggles to be a better person in life.
I have always had a extreme amount of compassion and concern for anyone who is suffering. Especially the one's who are dealing with this horrific disease of Alzheimer's and Dementia. I see the pain and loss of loved one's all the time, and have seen a tremendous amount of death over the years.
This keeps me grounded in the moment. Realizing that it is the now, that is the most important part of our lives. Not looking into the future or reminiscing about the past. but keeping our thoughts on what we can do for the person right now. In the moment. How can we change this persons life, now. Can we make a lasting impact on their lives. Not for our own benefit, but for the benefit of other's.
Is it important to make sure we all live with dignity and respect. Is this to much to ask of ourselves. That we do what we can to make sure others are treated well.
Can we see our own pain in others misfortunes. Can we learn from the loss of our loved one's. To make us better people. I do think so.
It is important for me to be their for mom each day. I don't do it to gain acceptance from other's. Actually I am a lonely person. This part and parcel of being a caregiver, to dedicate one's life to making sure their loved one is treated fairly.
It is a extremely hard road at times. I am trying to feed mom and she is reaching for something or trying to grab my hand. She is upset and wants to go to bed. And then gets mad and tries to hit me. All part of the disease.
I have struggled through loss and all I want to do is to yell as loud as I can at someone, anyone. To just achieve a release of some sort. Yet I don't, I act as the mature person that I am told to be in life.
I do ask for help, as I don't receive any. And I have learned to deal with this. It is not an easy thing to do it all by one's self, But I do what I can each and everyday.
I suffer with depression and anxiety daily. Though I suffer with this, the moment I arrive at mom's I leave this in my imaginary bucket, outside of her home, to pick it up after I leave. So my mother has only me, not my problems while I am their.
It is also difficult when I am their, because mom only wants me to pay all of my attention to her. She will get extremely upset if I am speaking with other's or even watching TV while I visit. My time with her is hers alone.
I deal with this and accept it. I explain to others this situation and I hope they understand.
Now I must say good night.
GOD bless
Kris Schmuland.
