Hello again
So I realized that I have not purchased any new clothing for myself in at least two years now. I have not even bought a pair of runners in two years. The one's I have now, I found on the way to the bus stop to see mom. The clothing I have are all two or three sizes to big for me. The pants are size 38/40 and the shirts are XL or 17 1/2 and I am a M or L and a 15 1/2 shirt.
In other words all my clothing is way to big on me. I have only been buying mom clothing. For some strange reason she seems to go through them very quickly, or they disappear.
It would be nice to have a new pair of runners, but I can't afford to eat, let alone buy new runners.
I have lost weight as I don't eat, ( can't afford it) or I just don't want to eat.
Today I am really tired, I am experiencing depression again. I was on heavy anti depression medication a few years ago. I thought I felt better and was doing well for the last few years. But since I can't seem to find a place in White Rock that I can afford, it has come back. All I want to do is move to white Rock and be closer to mom and eliminate the 7 hours a day I travel. And do more for mom. I have been trying to find an affordable place for well over a year now. And nothing. It really gets to me.
It was bath day for mom today, and as soon as I got their I had to put a wet towel on mom's for head and feet. They had her covered in a blanket and sheet. It is summer and hot. I fixed this right away.
I made a salad for mom, she loves this salad. Everything is in it. The last two days this is what she has had, along with her dinner. After tomorrow that will be it for the salad. We both would have eaten it for three days. It is good but enough is enough.
Have no idea what to make her tomorrow. No cash, no groceries. I will figure something out. I hope.
Mom is already in bed, so it is just the matter of her spa treatment, after I do the dishes. You see mom has her own dishes she uses everyday, and her own cutlery. I want mom to feel that her dinner matters.
I really wish I could find a place and get some clothing. The runners are about to go soon. And I need some clothing that actually fits me properly. Not bagging on me.
Anyways I was able to finish mom's spa treatment early. So I just stood with her holding her hand, And singing softly to her, while she listened to some Diana Krall. I know all the songs.
OK I am beat, I have no idea why. I did sleep last night. I think so anyways.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
