Hello again
I am not a perfect person, though some people seem to think I come across this way. Not so.
On top of my physical ailments. I have psychological issues. I have been depressed lately. The last time I felt this way, was 6 years ago and it lasted for 4 long and painful years. I finally felt better and the last two years were good.
During those years, of depression, I was on extremely strong anti depression medication. I gained 80 lbs and was very unhealthy. And I feel it is coming back. Not good.
In the last several days I have ran into 3 people I have not seen in at least 5 years. And the first thing they do, is ask how am I doing. Emphasizing how are you doing.
So I ask them if they want the truth or a lie. You see most people do not want to hear the truth. Just the lie. That we are all doing well. When I am feeling depressed I am one not to hold back. I will just say it the way it is. I don't have time to waste. After all I am depressed and I need to get back to my depression. And I am also an angry person right now. Not happy.
Let me explain. I am a recovering alcoholic. And I went to AA at first. These people were from AA and have no idea why they were so interested in my health. They did not care when I was in AA. So why now. I didn't even get a chance to tell them the truth. I just told them the lie. That I am doing great.
Anyways, you can tell that I am not doing well, just by the way I am writing this blog tonight.
Even though I am depressed, I will not stop going to see mom. I didn't last time. I am not sleeping, not hungry, so I am not eating. Oh yea, except for crap. And that is not doing it for me.
On to mom now. Mom is feeling much better. They tell me that they gave the residents some raspberries after breakfast and immediately residents were getting sick. That is what they say. Who knows what the truth is.
She has been hungry and eating allot. I bought her cherries and she loves them. I made her an omelette and hash browns today. Mom ate it all, plus. Oh yea I arrived early so I could wash mom's hair. It makes her feel so good.. And, of course, mom motioned for me to give her the nightly spa treatment.
I do this and I hold her hand while she falls asleep. With a smile on her face. I sing to her our good night song. Oh yea we danced a bit tonight.
Midnight again. I think tomorrow I might feel better and be able to write a little better.
I really do have to go now. I am going to go to bed now. Just tired. Not sleeping.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
