Hello again
Today in British Columbia, Canada is the first ever Family Day. For me being single, it was a waste of a business day. To get things done. All government offices where closed. And anything related to such.
But it was easy to get to White Rock today. Fairly quick. Well OK, the same amount of time. But it seemed easy. It was quick on the way home. I left at the usual time and got back, in my door at 9:30 pm. An hour earlier than usual. Leaving White Rock at the same time.
All that aside, I am not doing well. Not good. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to travel. Because of the pain I am in.It is becoming more and more difficult, over the last few months, to use my right arm and hand. I am dizzy and falling, often. But I will continue to go to White Rock until I find an appropriate place in White Rock. OK. yes. I have a place I found and have arrange a great deal for myself. But, again, it is the issue of money. That bullshit money.
I would be their already if it were not for money. I know, looking after mom, I need to sacrifice things, and I do it willingly. But to have to give up quality of life. Because of money. That is pure BULLSHIT
I don't need brand new furniture or appliances. I just need something. I really do not have anything. Yes it is because I am disabled and/or have no funds. And I chose to take care of mom. I just want to be closer to her. It it so wrong to want to look after your mother when she is very ill. Is it wrong to want to be their for her. Is it wrong to do everything one could and can do for their parent. Especially since they looked after you, when you were constantly being injured or in and out of the hospital, growing up.
I THINK NOT! This is what I do and I love every minute of it. The PGT is a huge nuisance, So many broken promises. So many un truths. They say one thing and when it comes down to it, Deny even saying it.
For once I would like for them to live up to their promises. If they did, I would not be so hard on them. Or I would write favorable reviews about them. Year after year.
You know I have allot of medical issues I need to address. Issues that are serious. Walking, using my right arm and hand.
I digress. Mom is what this is about, not me.
Mom, over the last few weeks, has been very tired and when she is this way. Mom is very aggressive. As in, she is constantly slapping me or punching me. She always goes for the face. And she is sneaky about it. It is funny how she does this sometimes. Mom will pretend she is all loving and then when I get close, she slaps me. I have learned this lesson the hard way. Many black eyes. It is part of the disease.
Individuals with Alzheimer's, are harder on their loved one's than anyone else. Harder on those closest to them. Mom will smile at others, but turn and slap me. I would rather she hit me than anyone else. I am tough, I can take it. But sometimes, emotionally, it is hard
It is the weekend and mom is not eating as she does during the week. No one has an answer for me, as to why this happens. I do, though her roommate is nice, she keeps mom up all night, by watching TV and having the light on.
I ask and ask, to move the roommate, and more people keep moving into the place, but they never do anything about it.
Another reason I need to be living their. So I can go into the place, during the day, to speak with the appropriate individuals about this and many other matters, that concern mom. Can't do it when I don't get their until 4:30 pm. When they are all gone home for the day.
GOD knows this, why isn't HE helping me. This is another big piss off for me. I pray and pray. I am reading the word everyday, many times a day, for that matter. The bible is on my phone and I read it while traveling, and at night before I go to bed.
So mom has been eating, again not much. She has been very thirsty, and she can't give herself a drink. I give her as much as she wants, while I am their. And I don't leave until I know mom has had enough to drink. She does eat her fruit, though. Which is great. A papaya a day, an avocado a day. Some Mango, kiwi. I have a few different types of cheese's for her. Which she loves with the avocado.
One thing mom does look forward to is her nightly spa treatment. And I have now included a foot rub. This she loves and knows it is time. And I think she forces the issue, by being aggressive, to get me to do this for her. Because, once I get her into bed and start the spa treatment, mom calms right down.
It is such a great feeling, when mom just wants to hold my hand while she falls asleep. Nothing compares to this. I hole her hand and put my other hand on her shoulder. Mom falls asleep with a smile on her face. I, then pack up and leave, very quietly.
I need to go now, I am experiencing the loss of movement in my right hand. Or it is not working correctly
GOD bless and good night all
Kris Schmuland
