Hello again Day 12 or 13
Well not doing well. I am stressed out and feeling depressed.
I am trying to do what I can and I am just banging my head against the wall. Every time I ask for help I get shut down.
I am trying to move, I found a place. As I have said, maybe not. I have a place and it has a separate living room and bedroom. But I am again sharing. I just have to share the kitchen and bathroom and laundry.
But I have nothing, I mean nothing. The PGT has mentioned all the help they were willing to give me, the key word here is "were" not anymore.
I am doing this so I can have mom over, not without furniture. An empty bedroom is what I will be moving into. Yes I have no furniture. Nothing where I am is mine.
I lost everything several years ago, when it was all stolen from me. I went to stay with mom, while my sister was away and when I returned home. To a previously furnished 2 bedroom apartment. Yes everything in it was mine. And I rented out the other room to this women. And she took everything. Broke into my room, cleaned everything out. clothing, computer and the entire apartment.
The police couldn't do anything, I found her, filled a small claims action against her. When it came to court, I was told she died of a heroin overdose. Go figure.
Since that time I have had to find places the were furnished and shared accommodations.
Now it is a shared accommodation, but my own living room, that mom can just come into and a bedroom, without the added cost of my own place.
But I have no bedroom furniture or living room furniture.
I have written Ellen to her can I change your life section. But never a response. I told her how and what I do for my mother and how mom is the most important person in my life and would do anything for her.
I have written the papers, Oprah, and who ever else might listen. But nothing.
I have this place as of the 15 of this month. But nothing to move into it. Where I am now I have a bed, and living room furniture I can use. But it is 3 hours one way, away from mom. And the other place is very close to mom's.
I mean very close. 10 minutes away. It is an opportunity for a fresh start. I have spent the last three days so far this week trying to get some furniture, as well as a way of moving myself. I do have somethings to move.
Allot of mom's things. Boxes of, well, boxes. And some clothing of mine.
I have a set of knives, a pasta maker, some kitchen utensils and that is about it.
And yesterday, I was almost run over by a truck in Vancouver. If it was not for a voice in my head saying take a few steps back or you will get run over. No sooner did I take the few steps back. A truck came by, turning the corner and running over the curb, exactly where I was previously standing. I mean exactly.
This was not the first time that the little voice save my life. I wish this little voice would say, you have all the furniture you need.
But I do keep hearing Trust the Lord your GOD with all your heart and soul.
But I am hungry and stressed out. I am very, very tired and still have a ton of things to do. I need to go to my doctors.
I really am not doing very well. But mom will never know this. I leave this at the door of her home.
I will never bother her with any of this.
But I did say that the case manager of the PGT was not so bad. Well I change my mind.
Again, if he kept his word I would already be in White Rock. And doing better. Having 6 or more hours in the day, to do things for mom and to get it together. Well I don't know about the last part.
I am going now, I am extremely tired. And after several days, the hunger pains seem to go away.
I wish I had more faith. So I could just do what I hear my little voice tells me. To trust. I have not had any reason to do this so far.
Everyone seems to let me down. No one really understands what I am trying to do and why.
Oh yea I did not write as I, one left my glasses somewhere and 2, been extremely depressed and stressed out. And did not want to even open my computer.
I am going now and will write soon.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
HELP! me please someone.
