Hello again Day whatever
It is not a good day. I was fine while going to see mom and great while their and then this horrible depression started to set in on my way home. I feel like crap. I am tired and lithe less. I don't feel like even writing this. But I need to.
I have a new place, but nothing to put into it. An empty shell, cold and sterile. Without life. That is the way to describe my new home. I have paid rent for this month, here, and one half of the month their. And I have a bed here, but don't want to be here anymore. Yet I don't even have the energy to continue to finish packing.
I am almost their. But so what. I love the fact that I will be very close to mom, and I will be able to spend more time with her. I was joking about this tonight with her. Saying that she will see me so much that she will tell me to go away.
I was on the phone today calling everywhere trying to find free things or get help with bedroom furniture. And maybe living room furniture. Otherwise I will have to live in my bedroom, oh yea, no bedroom furniture. Living on the floor.
I forgive the women who stole my belongings, but, even though she is dead, I am still mad at the fact that this is what has happened to me.
So blah blah blah, right. I thought so.
Today I was able to bring mom a spinach and feta pie, and the fruit she likes. This is good, considering her dinner was the cabbage roll. Mom wanted to know what was for dinner that the hospital supplied. She leaned forward and when I opened the lid, and you should of seen the look. She just went OH! and then leaned back into her chair.
I didn't have enough for her tonight, Even with the boost, I knew she was still hungry, Even with the fruit. I felt just low, low, low. I don't like it when mom doesn't eat. She needs to eat to keep healthy.
Then off we went for her nightly spa treatment. But before this mom wanted to go outside, wash her hair. But I know mom and there was not enough time to do everything. I need to wash her hair. I have not been doing this as of late. I usually wash her hair every other day. But not of late.
This is the main reason I need to be in White Rock. And have a healthy place to live. For mom to come over. This is why I chose this place, it is accessible for mom and close by. But I can't have mom over if my living room is bare. Nothing, blank. That is the best way to describe it. Blank!
Now I finished her face and washed her feet and then the staff member came in. I was not about to let mom wait, so I gave her a kiss, and told her I would be outside waiting and I would finish her feet afterwards. I came back in and asked if mom still wanted me to pour the water on her feet, Of course she did. It is not just the pouring of water on her feet. It is the speed in which I do it. Slowly, over her feet, toes, lower legs, while rubbing the feet and lower legs to get the soap off. I pour three bottles of hot water over her feet. It is a process. She loves this.
Then the lotion and the spray. When done I wash her arms and hands and apply different lotions to her arms and hands. And I finish with another application of different moisturiser on her face. Three separated creams.
I then sang mom our good night song and hugged her and gave her a kiss good night.
Well, my depression continues. I need to go to bed and watch something.
Then tomorrow I try again to get something going.
GOD bless and good night.
I am trying to keep up my faith. I believe I believe I believe.
Kris Schmuland
