Hello again
I really cannot move to an empty place, I cannot sleep on the floor. And now I have to cancel the knee surgery. As I cannot travel from Coquitlam once it is done. I cannot live in a place without any furniture.
No one, including you or mom's case manager of the PGT, would not move into a place with nothing.
What do all think, I have waited for this knee surgery for a while now, after cancelling it once, now I have to do it again.
This does not make any sense. I was told I would get help with this and that. Only to find out I was lied too. And I ask and ask, to no avail.
Obviously, I don't know any Christians or the one's I do know are Sunday Christians. Yes I have chosen to be their for my mother, to be her advocate. I am disabled and am in pain all the time.
I have been doing this for many years now and I have found that I am the only one, that I see, who spends this much time with their parent. And I did this for my father and mother and now just my mother.
Dementia is a horrible disease. And my sister's don't pay to much attention to mom. Well the one, goes once a week and the other. Who knows. Not often.
And now I do something to be closer to mom to have her over for visits, and dinner/lunch. And I have being lied to. Told I would get help but nothing.
I have nothing. And tomorrow, rent for Coquitlam is not paid, and the rent for an empty place is paid. No way to move what little I do have. No furniture, dishes. You all know.
And on top of this, mom is sick. A bit of a cold. And her weekend eating habit is worse. She barely ate anything tonight. All she wanted to do was go to bed. And what she did eat, it seemed she was going to throw it back up. You know that look on some one's face.
The ministry made promisses and never kept them
The case manager has made promisses to me, since mom moved to White Rock, and hasn't kept the one's that are important
The supervisor of the PGT tells me she will get back to me, and didn't
Yes it is a pity potty, woe is me speech.
But you know what I deserve something. I work helping my mother. I dare any of y'all to do what I do without having a nervous break down. Which I haven't and won't. GOD does not give me more than I can handle. And obviously, I can handle a whole heck of allot.
It is very hard on me, at times. I hurt deeply, I am an emotional wreck allot of the time. But I know mom needs me, so I keep on doing what is best for mom. I hardly eat at all. I go days without eating. Just drinking tea and water. I travel 6 - 8 hours a day to get out their to see her. And I do it without reservation.
I been around helping out for 10 years now. Doing everything I can do for, first my mother and father and now just for my mother.
I sit outside using the computer, because I have no Internet connection in my room. And the wireless connection in the house is crappy. So the best connection is next door.
I have no cable or even a TV. I survive downloading what ever I can and watch that.
Mom is the most important part of my life. She needs me and I need her. I am completely devoted to her well being. More than I can say about most people these days. Only interested in themselves. Just as the parable of the samaritan.
I read the bible at home and on the bus (on my phone) everyday. Without fail. And this will never stop. I am serving GOD by serving mom. Yes I am serving my mother. Wouldn't have it any other way. But what I get, Oh wait, I get nothing.
I have lost all of my friends, as no one understands what I do, or don't care about it. Or think that I shouldn't be their for my mother as much as I am. If I don't do what I do, the home will just abuse her and do what they want. And mom is not going to get the care she deserves.
I love doing this for mom.
Yes I need to get back to work. Hence the knee surgery. But if I can't get it done. The hospital is not going to let me go home if there is nothing for me to sleep on or even sit on. After this type of surgery, I need to take care of myself. I arranged it to happen in the White Rock hospital. But, again, I will have to cancel it now.
I need to move closer, I have a place, which is cheaper than what I pay now. It is OK for now. Until I get something going. To make more money. To be able to pay for an apartment. A better location, or a improved location. It is my own. No roommates. Everything included.
It is a place where mom can come over, where I can have my aunt and mom over for dinners.
But what do I do. This is nonsense. I need help, if I didn't I would not of asked. I would and have done everything for all sorts of people without any questions. Just my yes is yes.
I do everything I do for my mother's benefit. And the truth is I will be lost without mom around. And as far as I am concerned the day mom passes away is the end of my life. I will have nothing more to live for.
As this, what I am doing for my mother, is the only worth while thing I have every done in my life. Yes I have an education. But oh well. Nothing compares to what I do for mom and before this mom and dad. I am not married, divorced. No kids. Mom wants me to have children, so she can have grand children. Even though she already has 3 grandchildren and 6 great grand children. But she wants me to have children. Yes that would be nice. But mom is more important than my life. My life is her life. And this is the way it has to be.
I was given this assignment, and I will do this to the best of my ability.
I love my mother with all my heart and all my soul. Nothing compares to what I am doing.
I just need to move out their. Again I found a place, it is empty. Even if I had a bed. that would mean I live in a bedroom.
So where do I go from here. I pray and pray and pray. And I ask GOD for help. And I ask y'all for help again.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
