Hello again
So tonight after I left my visit with mom, I ended up walking for 2 1/2 hours before I got a ride. It is 16 th avenue where mom is and I was at 83 Avenue when I finally got a ride.
I can really move when I am pissed off. I don't care about the pain either. I just put it away and go. I was not going to just stand there, in the rain. So I walked and walked.
And at 12:30 am I arrived home to an empty fridge and cupboard. Again, 4 days now, without a meal. My knee gave out twice while walking. And well, now I feel every bit of the pain. Not very comfortable if I say so.
And once I arrived home, I had emails to reply too. Well, not yet, as I am writing this first.
So I was able to entertain mom tonight. I have this problem, and it is that I can spill anything on me, even it is on the other side of the table.
I opened a glass of cranberry juice, and put it to the side after mom had some. Not very long after this, not paying attention, I moved my elbow and over it went, All over my pants and the side of my shirt. They were Khaki pants and a white polo shirt. . As I said they were. Cranberry juice is just as tough to get out as tea is.
I only have two pairs of pants, and now one is ruined. OK not ruined, just a cranberry juice stain. And I only have 4 shirts and one is now ruined. A white polo shirt.
But I can laugh at this. As it is not the first time I have spilled stuff on myself. Mom had a good laugh. And I laughed with her. She then stroked the side of my face. As in I am sorry, you are such a klutz. It was very funny.
Mom is in their. I have always said this. It is just she has had a stroke and thus affected her speech. And the same for her left arm.
If they even had any clue, mom would be able to use her arm again and with proper therapy, could speak again. When relaxed mom can speak clearly.
This is one reason I need to be in White Rock. So I can get mom the therapy she needs. Whether I do it myself or not.
But I need to be out their to do this.
And if it were not for the great drivers that I know, I would not been able to even get out there. I am sending my thanks to them. Even though none of them read this.
So mom was tired last night. And the meal they served was just disgusting looking and I guess it tasted very bad as well. From the look on mom's face when she ate some. Mom did not eat her meal. I only had a mango and some pudding for her. But she did drink the Ensure. Mom knew that this is what she needed to get some proper nutrition into her. Again mom is their. Just no one cares to even try to help her out.
Just let her do nothing. Not even get around on her own. And tomorrow/today I need to be at the dental appointment for mom, but no way of getting their. As I don't know the drivers in the morning. And have to wait until the afternoon.
Mom tonight just wanted to listen to music and for me to not sing. She said it is not that I don't have a good voice, but she just wanted to listen to the music and relax.
Which, by the time, I am almost finished her spa treatment, mom is ready to sleep. And then she is disturbed by having to get ready for bed. This mom is not to impressed with.
So I am in extreme pain right now and very hungry.
Mom is needing me more and more now. I am her world. She knows I am going to be their everyday. And she knows I am trying to get out their.
I have not told her that I am hitch hiking home at night. Nor does she know I go without dinner or anything for extended periods of time. Never going to happen. I leave everything at the door when I get their. Bad mood, pain, feelings of worthlessness.
I am their for mom and I don't care a bit of about me. I really don't give a crap about myself. I am nothing. Just a piece of #%#% and don't deserve my mother's attention.
I have to go now.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
