Hello again
I am still here. Wow. I think not. The way things go, I'll be just ready to hit the publish button and bamm, the Internet will be terminated.
I don't think this will happen tonight. But maybe tomorrow. This is an odd thing, as I have been posting for years now, everyday, mostly. And all this time I have had and kept up to date with a Internet connection. This is the first time in years I have no funds to pay my bill. Well it has been more like many months, since I paid the bill.
As I stated, there were more important things to do with my money. As in spending it on my mother. Again mom is first, which means I will spend my money on mom first before anything else. Yes including the Internet bill.
I do everything to make mom happy. When mom is happy, I am happy. No my happiness does not depend on my mother's happiness. But, dam, it feels really good, when mom smiles and enjoys the things I do for her.
As in tonight. Before I left today, I made mom a two cheese omelet, and bacon. Plus I brought mom a few slices or bread which I toasted at the home. And warmed up the omelet and bacon.
It has been years and years since I made bacon. I usually eat the chicken bacon. Which mom does not like at all. But tonight mom loved everything. You could tell, after each bite she closed her eyes and enjoyed it. I had an avocado to go with it.
And what they gave mom for dinner was a cheese sandwich. A process cheese sandwich. The plastic cheese. And again it was not a full sandwich. 3/4 of a sandwich. Just like last night. It was a egg salad sandwich. 3/4 of a sandwich.
What is with this. I don't know how long I can keep bringing mom dinners. I try to bring her dinners, But funds are at a 0 balance for me now. But I do have a few things left to bring her.
For tomorrow it is honey mustard chicken breast with a potato and onion bake and a healthy salad that I make on a regular basis'. And I will have my usual, popcorn tonight and tomorrow. I am Ok with this. As in last nights dinner, the omelet and bacon. I don't eat pork, and eggs bother my stomach. So I don't eat eggs. Or cheese much.
I do what I do to make mom feel good. It makes mom feel good when I make her dinners. Mom loves my cooking. It makes mom feel good when I give her the nightly spa treatment. It makes mom feel good when I feed her. I know she can do it herself, but she wants me to do it and that is fine with me.
.It is weird, though, when I know what mom wants, when she says nothing. It freaks her out a little bit. But she smiles as it is exactly what she wants. Again I am not sure where my gifts come from, but I have had them all my life. Except for the few years I suppressed them, as they made me feel weird and people thought I was very strange when I could tell them what they were thinking and when they were lying to me. Which I never suppressed this gift. It has only been developed. And I am an expert at being able to tell when someone is lying.
Yes my back is killing me, and is getting worse. I don't have the proper bags to carry the things I carry. But this is Ok as well. I can't leave anything their. As my sister's will take it. This is the one major bone of contention that I have.
I have to forgive, though. It is part of my belief system. And I try and try. I can and do, most of the time. I am very glad the one sister visits mom once a week. But again she drives and I take transit. Yes everyday. And it is kind of fun. I meet and speak with a multitude of individuals with many different stories.
So I still have not heard anything from the manager, concerning my email and wanting to meet.
I do, after all, need a car, or a really good backpack and a other bag. As in a portfolio bag. Messenger bag. And I could use a few pairs of pants that actually fit. I have to now, put another hole in my belt. I am getting smaller and smaller. This is good, I guess. I do work out at home with bands and push up bars. Every other day.
Mom is it for me. I will and have done anything and everything for her. This is my work. My calling. To love unconditionally, and do whatever is necessary to be there for someone. Mom has made me a better person. I thank GOD everyday for the opportunity to serve my mother. I thank GOD everyday, I have a mother who thought me the values of life.
GOD bless and good night.
I may be back tomorrow, we will see.
Kris
