Hello again
Doing the right thing is extremely difficult. I try everyday to do what is right in life. And it is hard. I run into road blocks all the time.
First with the PGT, they have costs me, now two business's. Settling early with a insurance claim for the car accidents I have been in. And now, I am paying for it.
I went to a specialist today and it is not my hip. It is my knee. It is shot. From the last car accident I was in. A few years ago. This is the accident that I settled early. Mom needed things and the PGT refused to release funds for what mom needed. So I settled my claim early and bought what mom needed.
Now when I drank, many years ago now, I also smoked pot. Well I had to sell pot to keep me in my habit. Of drinking beer and smoking pot. I always had money, I always ate well. I had new clothing. I bought what I wanted and when I wanted too.
But since then. Well the last few years have been tough. I will always give to mom first. I will always make sure mom gets the best. And eats well. Not the bland food she eats now.
As in tonight. It looked good, but the dinner was horrible. Turkey, and potatoes, and cream corn. When mom was well, she didn't like cream corn. And no flavor.
And I believe that for me to look after my mother is the right thing to do. No matter what anyone says to me. Being their for someone is a fantastic feeling. Not like when I drank and smoked pot. That was all about me. And looking back, it was not a good feeling. Doing what I am doing provides me with the greatest feeling one could hope for.
Internal fulfillment and joy. Knowing my mother knows that I am going to be their everyday at a certain time. And stay until she goes to bed. The look on her face when I arrive.
Her getting mad at me, and mom telling me, through touch, what she wants. None verbal communication is about her eye's, her touch, the way her face moves when she needs something.
On top of the fact that I know about facial tells, but I have learned so much more being around mom. Yes we speak all the time.
Communication is not all about speaking.
And I do everything I can for mom. And what I get in return is tantamount to a slap in the face. People just aren't interested in my story and what actually happens in these homes and institutions.
I love my mother, and without her. My life would be over. I can't imagine not going to see her.
I know one day, that she will succumb to her affliction. And I am not looking forward to this. I will have nothing left in this place we like to call our world.
Some say, I shouldn't put all of me into looking after my mother. Well my answer is, she put all of herself into raising me and my sister's. This is the least I can do.
And me, moving to White Rock is the next step in the evolution of where I should be in this life. Being as close to her as possible. And doing even more for her.
People say I should take a break. Well mom can't take a break from her life. Being stuck in a wheelchair, Not getting the proper treatment. And on top of this, having a son who can't do the things he should be doing for his mother. As in taking her out and about.
Making her and bringing her dinners. So she has something different. Keeping her safe, and everything she has safe as well.
I have to deal with a staff that could care less about me and what I do. But care about my sister's and their needs. Giving them or allowing them to take things that are not theirs to be taken.
Now doing the right thing is a difficult thing. There is pain associated with it daily. Having to see mom like the way she is. And knowing about treatments that can help her. Nothing being done about it. Or should I say. My words and advice and professional opinion are just dismissed.
I have an education and am qualified to give advice on what treatments will work and won't. And on top of this I plan on getting more education on alternative treatments.
But I digress, it is 2:33 am and it is time for bed.
GOD bless and good night
Kris
