Hello again
First off I have this shirt, it is a shirt I really like. But I got tea on it and I have not been able to get the stain out. I have tried shout, OXI clean. I even soaked it for 4 days, as soon as got the stain on it, without detergent and still nothing. It is still there. I removed many tea stains from mom's clothing, without this much trouble. I just washed it again with a heavy duty stain remover and the darn stain is still there.
Now I have been seeing a few different counselors. 1 for grief, 1 for my depression and anxiety, and now another for dealing with all the different types of illness's I have and continue to get. I don't get colds or flu's, but I am getting everything else. I don't need or want to list them all off. It would take to long and would really depress me. It seems I just can't win.
I am getting homework from each of these counselors. Really!.. But the one I really want to continue to see and seems to understand my issues. I won't be able to see much more or anymore. I have to pay for this. Can't afford it. And it seems it is slowly starting to help a bit.
I am trying to just give mom a memorial service and no matter what, the cost prohibits me from giving my beautiful mother a proper memorial service. I think it is only going to cost me around $500. but no, it is double that and allot of things to do to make it something mom would be proud of.
I CAN'T EVEN GIVE MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER A PROPER SERVICE.
Everyone else gets a service within a few weeks of their passing. Yet my mother does not get the opportunity for other's to speak about her. About her life and how she touched their lives. And, again, everything seems just out of my reach.
I am moving in a few weeks and can't even afford to have someone move me. And I don't even know enough people to help me move. It is only a 10 blocks away. This alone is making me more depressed and it is starting to fill me with extreme anxiety. Just a few weeks away.
So I have to move, I need to find help for my move. The only counselor that is actually doing something for me, costs me. I will stop complaining about this counselor.
Well I just can't sit around, I am just getting on the bus and going for a ride. Doesn't matter where I go, I am just getting out. The only reason I am writing this so early, is I needed to do laundry.
I was asked what I celebrate. I have nothing to celebrate. There is so many things I need and just can't get. 1 being the needles for my glucose tester. Not covered. And I am only covered for 400 test strips a year. I need to check my glucose levels 3 times a day and that is 3 test strips each day. Not enough. This diabetes is really bad, I am crashing badly through out the day. And just simply eating something is not helping. I am still crashing. It is not a good feeling. I am feeling sick.
I am to eat three or more times a day, I am to eat healthy. Before I found out I had diabetes, I only ate once a day, as that is all I could afford and now this is really important that I eat properly. But again, it is not going to happen.
Oh well, I am just going to have to deal with this, If I can't afford to eat three healthy meals a day, it is just not going to happen.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Thank you for reading my blog.
