Hello again
Today I am so full of anxiety, I have had two anxiety attacks. It is crippling. I am shacking still. My heart is racing and my stomach is all tied in knots.
It is because of the bad decision I made moving into where I am at. And the worst part of it is, I feel bad wanting to move out. I feel I should be giving them 30 days notice.
Yet I was completely deceived moving in here. No drugs in the house, No one does drugs here, There will only be 3 of us. She is just staying here until she finds a place. Thats why she is not paying rent. I find out they are a month behind in rent and now, the elderly lady is $400 short for this months rent.
This lady should be living in a Seniors home. She can't pay the bills, she can't cook, clean, bath herself or anything without help. She can barely dress herself. She can't brush her own hair. What makes me made is she expects me to do everything for her. I am writing and she calls and calls my name.Only to find out she just wants a dish brought into the kitchen or to get her a drink.
Now that is not the worst of it. She should be deemed incapable, as she is living with two drug addicts that take advantage of her. They smoke there crack and speed in the house. The smell is everywhere. This is not good for anyone. But they lie to her, telling her that they are not doing drugs. And this lady is so gullible that she believes them.
Back to me feeling guilty for wanting to move.
My health is in danger, my life is in danger. I will have to call the police. My possessions are in danger, even though I don't have much, but what I do have I would like to keep.
Back to stressing out. I live with drug addicts and I don't have anything. No funds to move. I need to move. I can't be around this. I shouldn't have to be around this/.
This is what is happening to me since I stopped looking after mom. OK I was forced to stop looking after her, because she passed away.
I still have not had time to mourn or to put to paper her life story.
And I still have to deal with my sisters lying about not having mom and dad's photo's. I know they have them. Both of them.
I just want copies of them. They can keep the originals. But they are so arrogant that they can't admit that they have them.
Just like the complete set of The Tolkens books. Which were mine but they stole them. I had them for 40 years, never cracked open the books.
I am having anxiety attacks because I have mom's ashes sitting on a self and they should be buried, along with dads ashes, above my grandparents.
I can't even get help to have a service for my mother. Let alone bury them together.
Yes it was I who wanted to move to White Rock. And this is what I chose.
When I looked after mom, I was making sound decisions. I was doing everything the right way. Now I don't have a compass to guide me.
I am on my own and it is the first time in my life I am alone. Mom and dad were always there. Then just mom. Even though she was disabled, mom could understand me and give me answers.
I never treated her any different. I spoke to mom the same. Yes I did have to treat her differently, because of her illness's. And Dementia. Mostly strokes.
So now I sit and wonder why I should be around anymore. I am sinking further and further into a pit. My depression is getting worse, my anxiety is getting really bad. My Parkinson's is showing more and more. The tremor in my right hand is getting bad. I am tipping over allot.
I am not well but I keep moving forward. OK that is a lie. I need to move and to forget about these people. They out and out lied to me.
OK I am done. Really I am done. I can't take anymore
GOD bless and good night.
Even if I am done and can't take anymore. NO ONE GIVE A SHIT ANYWAYS. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. Other wise I would have some one to help me.
Kristopher Schmuland
