Hello again
So I should be saying I begin a new. Or something like that. Or whatever.
It has been a very difficult few days. Once I finished with dealing with the paper work to get mom's ashes. My mind has freed up. I am not working on the court case, so I am not traveling to Vancouver daily. I am not on the phone calling for Pro Bono lawyers.
Now I have plenty of time to think about mom. It is a good thing and not. The not is only because I was distracted from all the emotions for the last two months. Now not so much. OK not at all. These feelings are just pouring in. I am now starting to grieve, I think.
It is very difficult. I am not sleeping, nor eating much. I am just eating allot of junk food. Not fast food, just junk food.
My entire life, for the last decade or more, was concentrated with taking care and looking after mom. Now I have nothing. I am a nobody now. No focus, no vision of what is in store for me. I wake up then wonder what I am going to do today. I am trying to do somethings that I have not done, and get action on somethings that I must do.
Now the only thing on my mind now, is to give mom and memorial service. And that is it...............
I just wish mom was still here. I truly miss her, I still can't believe that she is gone. I walk up daily thinking of calling Al Hogg, but alas, I know the truth. And that is when everything hits me. Very hard.
Back to crying again. I don't care anyways what others think if I am crying.
So now to figure out what to do about giving mom and memorial service. I really need to have this done. I need closure before I can go on. I am not emotionless, I have deep feelings about this.
After all mom was everything to me. And what I did was the best thing that I ever did in my life. Hands down, I thank you mom for allowing me to do this for you. I will always miss you and I think about you all day, everyday.
I am not writing anymore this evening. I just want to watch a movie and do nothing. Except try to eat.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
How can I end this without first asking you if you would help me to give mom a memorial service.
https://www.gofundme.com/kafdk
