Hello again
Yes it is a very long trip each day there and back by bus. I don't have any other choice. I can't find a place with which I can afford or anyone to help me out. It has been over two years since I started looking. Maybe three. I know for the first while I didn't want to move. But now, I don't want to be here anymore. It is toxic to my well being.
How would you like to live in a room. It is my dinning room, my entertainment room. My living room. I eat, sleep and watch in this room. As the other person who live her is in bed when I get home and up at 6 in the morning. Her room is off the living room. So when I am in the kitchen I have to be extra quit.
It is so much more than that. I feel trapped like I have never felt before.
I am really done. And I have believed that GOD would help me out. Since every one keeps telling me I will be blessed for what I am doing for my mother. Bring this blessing on. I need it now. I am slowly loosing it. My room is packed up the walls with boxes and everything else I have. There is only two drawers that need to be packed yet, plus the clothing in my closet. Other than that I am packed. I don't have anymore containers to pack anything else up in.
Enough or I will loose it now.
I arrived today to find mom was in bed. Apparently mom got sick this morning so they put her back into bed. Okay, she did. Her bottom sheet, shirt and two pillow cases had a mess on them. I just rinsed them off, wish they would do that, and put them in a bag. They are already washed and cleaned. I will dry them in the morning.
So being in bed, mom was very hot. And wanting something to drink the moment I walked into her room. I am not that fast. Not as fast as mom wants me to be, to get her something to drink. She may not speak, but I know exactly what she is saying. And it was I need something to drink right now. I do understand but I try to let her know I just walked in and I need to unpack everything. Some of the drinks are in the bottom of my backpack.
Finally I was able to get her the drinks. Which she drank allot of each of them. Very thirsty. Afterwards I went and warmed up her dinner and feed it to mom. I could tell mom was tired, she was chewing very slowly. It took a long time to feed her tonight. It does get a little frustrating, when mom keeps chewing something that is soft and is easily swallowed. I can't get upset about this, it is just the way she is. Part of her disease. Just deal with it and be patient.
A new care aid until the end of the month and she doesn't get the fact I live a long way away and take the bus. I have to get things done in a certain time frame. To be able to make it back here at a decent time. We have things to do, and I want to be able to just relax with mom while she falls asleep. To just stand there and hold her hand. Mom needs this and doesn't like it when I have to rush. Neither do I.
I think I will have to speak with her. I keep asking her to not lift mom's legs up. But she does it anyways. What gets me upset is that she thinks she knows everything. NOT. Been doing this for a very long time myself. And very intelligent.
So mom got part of her spa treatment done, while waiting for the care aid. It was possible because mom was in bed. This I am okay with, it is when mom is in her chair and we have to waste so much time waiting for the care aid to come in.
I don't ask anything of them except to put mom to bed at 6:30 pm. That is it. I do everything else. I would even change mom. But they don't want me to put mom into bed.
Well I need to go again. Will write more tomorrow.'
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
