Hello again
I didn't want to write anything this evening. Just stressed and cold. But it is this Blog that keeps me going. To be able to write what I feel and to be able to write what my mother is going through each day. And to actually have someone read this. From all over the world. Makes each day a little better.
It helps me focus on what it is I am suppose to do. That is to take the best care of my mother as I possible can. To make each of her days a little brighter. To help her realize that someone does care enough for her, to be their every single day for her. This brings tears to my eye's each day as I see the smile on her face, when I give her the daily spa treatment, when I tuck her in at night and when I simply just hold her hand and watch the relaxation come upon her. Complete and almost perfect relaxation.
I do know and realize what mom is going through. But I cannot let that get in the way of making her day special. I know she is going down hill, slowly. I have been there through it all. Watching her not be able to do certain things anymore. To not be able to feed herself, give herself something to drink. Change herself. This is why I am there. To do all these things for her.
I consider myself to be a piece of shit, a looser. Haven't accomplished anything. Not married, no kids. Hell I don't even like to be touched. But I make an exception when it comes to my mother. Otherwise, I have serious anxiety over being touched.
But no matter what, I am a good person. I am doing the right thing by looking after my mother. No one can take this away from me. And it does not bother me, in the least, what other's think of me, that I should be doing something else with my time. Making money, buying this and buying that. There is time for all of that.
The most important thing in my life, is what I am doing. I have made the right decision, to take care of my ailing mother. Yes I go without sometimes. Okay allot of times. But they are all wants. Most of my needs are met.
I travel many hours and many Kilometers each day. All of it worth it. You just don't know, what seeing that smile on my mother's face, feels like, each day when I arrive. It fills me up with emotion. I feel glad that I chose to do this.
Again I thank you for letting me express my thoughts to you and for all of you to read this. I would still write this even if no one read it. Yet you do. I do wish more would read this.
I do like it when I see someone from a new country reading this.
I do hope that you know that I am not the only one going through this. There are many families who are going through the same. Okay, maybe not the exact same thing as I am going through. But I must state that there s abuse in all homes etc... and it is going on each and everyday. Thousands of our loved one's are victims of abuse, daily. And not much is done about it.
It is a dirty little secret, not just in Canada, but all over the world. Except here we just warehouse our loved one;s and turn a blind eye to what is happening.
With what I do, I am trying to do something about it.
Well one again I am tired and need to get some rest. It is not as cold out tonight, but still cold enough in here to.................
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schumuland
