Hello again
I am very angry, actually extremely pissed off. The case worker at the PGT has not returned my email or my phone call. This women is afraid of me.
I am only angry and extremely out spoken on this blog. In person I believe in being straight forward, but in a calmer tone. I say what it is that I want or am asking for.
ABUSE, ABUSE,ABUSE AND ABUSE. =
To deny someone, something that they are accustom to receiving on a daily basis' is the dictionary's definition of abuse.
Mom needs things and this month, I think I mean for the next month I can't even afford to eat. And I am dead serious about that. I have no idea how I am going to pull this one off. I do however, have my bus pass, so I can get to see mom everyday. That is the only consolation to this. So I don't have the means to pay for what mom needs. I pay for as much as I can out of my own money. Mom is first, I am last.
But no one cares anyways, whether I eat or not.
I hate living here. I am almost to the point of getting a tent, throwing everything I have away and set it up somewhere in White Rock. So I can be close to mom. I just can't do this anymore. I really dread coming back here each night.
It is not a safe place to be and I am worried that I will come home to nothing. With the landlord renting out a room for a few days or weeks to complete strangers. Now I am dealing with this bullshit of this couple playing the I don't speak English game. When they speak English very well. I over heard them. I knew it from the first time I saw them. I can't trust someone like that.
I don't feel safe. Though I don't have much. What I do have is what I have manage to collect over the last few years.
What even makes me angrier is the fact that I can't stay latter with mom. Tonight was a perfect example of this. After the spa treatment mom fell asleep easily. I just held her hand. She pulled it close to her. And she was asleep. When it was time for me to leave, mom woke up. She wanted something to drink. Which I had just packed up. So I unpacked it. No problems with this. But after she wasn't ready to go back to sleep right away, and wanted me to hold her hand so she could fall back to sleep. I couldn't. By this time I really needed to go. As it was it wasn't until after 10:30 when I arrived home.
Now if I lived their. I would stay until, well,whenever.
Oh by the way, mom is fine. I now know she can't eat certain type of beef. I got her this beef pot pie from the deli and it is made with beef brisket. Mom just chews and chews this. Then she will put it in her cheek. And continue to eat other things. I paused feeding her for a moment and I noticed her chewing something. It was allot of the brisket that she had pushed into her cheek. Mom chewed on this for over 10 minutes. I tried to get her to spit it out, but no. So I asked her to open her mouth so I could take it out. I stuck my finger in her mouth and before I could get the brisket out. She chomped down on my finger and wouldn't let go. I tried everything to get my finger out. But no luck. Finally she let go. Damn did my finger hurt and still does. This is the second time I did this. I didn't learn from the first time not to put my finger in her mouth. I just didn't want mom to choke on it. I wanted her to have something else. Instead of just chewing on this for the whole night.
Mom finally spit it out. And she wasn't in the mood to eat any more of the dinner. I don't blame her. Her jaw must of hurting, from all the chewing.
I gave her dessert and off we went to do the dishes and then wash and style her hair. Looked great by the way.
Okay, I wasn't even going to write this much. But it just came rolling out.
My hearing is getting really bad. Just hearing things from behind. Today I really noticed it. I haven't been able to hear people walking up from behind me lately. Today a blind women, tapping her cane came up behind me and I didn't even hear her until she was besides me. Then tonight, I was beside mom at her nightstand and all of a sudden I heard the nurse say that's it Kris she has had her medicine for the night. She scared the crap out of me. I didn't even hear here at all. And she was less than a meter behind me. As mom was right beside me. I can hear a car coming up behind me, but not someone walking behind me. Lately, I have really noticed it. I can hear from beside me and forward.
I have said before the hearing specialist had told me I need hearing aids. I don't have $6000 to pay for them. Yes they are $3000 a piece. REALLY!
I am going now. To upset to keep writing. Or I would just write and write about nothing.
Pray for my mother and I. Please
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Shcmuland
