Hello again
Sometimes it is very lonely being a caregiver,as I am. And to all of who do this without hesitation, for their loved one's. Who need them.
It is hard to make and to keep friends When one's life is dedicated to looking after their loved one. As it is with me and taking care of my mother.
Again, I do this willingly. Taking care of and doing what I can for my mother is the best part of my day. It keeps me sane and grounded. Otherwise I would of lost it by now.
The biggest stressor in my life is not being able to find a place to live, in White Rock, for what I can actually afford. Especially when one is very poor and marginalized And sometimes the PGT really gets on my last nerves.
Let us not forget the accident and all the pain and frustration it has been causing me.Everyone expects me to do this and do that. Without realizing I take transit, I am in pain. And I get home late at night, so therefore I do not even get to bed until late. I wake up all night long, because of the pain. I am not getting the proper rest that I need and the doctor tells me to get.
Again I need to be living in White Rock to do any of the above and below mentioned things. Including get to physiotherapy on a regular basis'
I have been thinking about this. It has been several years since I was able to sit down, have a tea and speak with someone about anything other than, how is your mom, what is happening with her. Or about my mom.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I am proud to be able to take care of her. I just want to have a conversation with someone.
It is hard, especially with all the traveling I do. It is not conducive to making or keeping friends.
I know lots of people think that I am weak and a complainer. But there is no resources for caregivers out there. There is no place where I can call and get any kind of help. Unless I go and see someone. A psychologist for example.
I really do not care, anymore, what people say or think about me.
I do this for mom. There not allot of people who would do what I do. I am very proud to be able to look after and take care of my mother.
I will not feel guilty about doing it either. In the end, it is I who won't be saying I should of done this or I should of done that. I will most likely be saying, I could of done more if I wasn't so much of a looser. That is what I will be saying, come to think about it.
Trust me, no one has to tell me or write me telling me what I am. I already know it. I may of been this or done that. But I am nothing. Yes that is what I wrote. I am nothing and I am a nobody. I am just a man who is taking care of his mother, who enjoys writing this blog. That is it. The extent of my being.
So tonight mom was in a very good mood, hungry, and ate most of her dinner. It seems though, as soon as the music goes on and mom grabs hold of my hand. She becomes very relaxed and tired.
Well I was able to read to her tonight for a change. We are almost finished the book. I put a blanket on her, I hold her hand and I read to her. Mom closes her eye's and just listens. I see her get excited while reading a dramatic part of the book. I get into reading it to her. I put passion into the words. I don't just don't want mom to just her the words, I want her to feel them as well.
Then the care aid came in to put her to bed.
Mom looks forward to her nightly spa treatment. She is so relaxed by the time I finish. You can see the relaxation spreading over her as I complete the spa treatment.
Mom is dong very well in bending her legs. We are getting there. Another few months and mom will be able to bend her legs completely. Not pull them to her chest or anything like that. That is not my goal. The goal is to get mom to bend her legs enough that it is not necessary to have the legs of her chair, extended completely horizontal.
OK I am done for the night. I really didn't even think I had anything to say. I thought I would just write a few sentences and that would be that.
GOD bless an good night
Kristopher Schmuland
