Hello again
It has been an emotional day for me.
I am realistic about mom and her health, but I choose not to dwell on it or bring it up around mom. Or try to think about it to much.
Today I came upon me that mom might only have a few years left.
I have seen mom's symptom's change over the last few years, as I noticed them before mom has been in White Rock.
A year ago mom would eat the beef donair and love it. But now, she just can't chew it anymore. OK, mom will just chew and chew and chew the beef, and not swallow. I have to remind her to chew and swallow. I feel like a pain in the ass for doing this. So she can chew, but to swallow. This could be a serious problem.
Last year I would bring her steak, it would be tender, and mom would just devour it. I brought her a nice steak not long ago and mom just chewed and chewed the meat. Even though it was tender. It took her at least 5 minutes to chew and swallow the small piece of meat I cut for her.
At least she can eat the meat she is served. It is minced. So that is a good thing
This is the only thing that I have noticed. Her personality hasn't changed.
Mom is more relaxed in her new space. Sleeps better. Tonight when I left mom was snoring away.
For me I am in more pain than I would like. And I am just angry that I can't find a place to live, which I can afford in White Rock.
The place I looked at the other day, is perfect. Big and right their. I just can't afford it. At all. It is double what I am paying now.
Is it to much to ask for, that I find a place close to my mother, so I can have more time to take care of her and visit with her.
This disease is going to take her. And if I am stuck in Coquitlam and can't be there for her. I will never forgive myself. I need to be right there.
It has been a very long time since I have been looking and nothing. Everything is always out of my price range. I choose to take care of my mother. No one else in my family is taking the time to be their for mom. And everyone is always telling me that I am going to be blessed.
Who cares if I am blessed after mom is gone. It should be now, so I can share the blessings with mom. What good is it afterwards. I won't care then
It is now, that is important. The hear and now! Not latter!
I have to go. I am done for the night. And every time I try to turn my neck and it cracks, I get light headed.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
