Hello again
Again I will say that this is what I truly know is what I am suppose to be doing right now. I get, aren't you sacrificing allot. I am not sacrificing anything. In fact I am gaining everything. So I lost friends along the way. I am alone, and busy. And yes loneliness is not fun, but I was lonely before looking after my father and now my mother. So it is no big deal.
Mom is ignored by the family, and most people in the home. So I am their to make sure mom has company, that she can rely on, and know that will be their each and everyday.
Because mom doesn't speak, I really don't know how far advanced she is with Dementia. It could just be the strokes. But I know mom has Dementia, but how bad. At what stage is she at. It doesn't matter anyways. I have watched her decline over the years. But it looks like she has stabilized, for now. The doctors don't even know.
At least mom is responsive to me and will answer my questions. Through body language.
Tonight mom was overly impatient. This is a huge problem for me. I don't do well being rushed. I usually will just slow right down. But I can't do this to mom.
It is just when I arrive, and mom is very thirsty. She wants a drink right now. I haven't even taken my bags off of myself. Or even removed the drinks from the fridge. I have to let her know, that I need to get everything off my back, and dig your drinks out of the backpack.
What I carry is extremely heavy. Lucky I am strong. The average person could not carry what I carry daily..
Mom was OK once I gave her drinks and she got something to eat. Lately I have asked mom if she was full and wanted dessert. And she shakes her head yes and clearly says yes. So I give her dessert.
Then afterwards, mom wants more dinner. After I have thrown away the rest of the dinner I brought, and put the tray of the served dinner on the rack to be taken away. Now I have nothing left to feed her. I have now, put aside some of mom's dinner. What is left when she wants her dessert. And when she finishes her dessert and wants more to eat. We have some for her to eat.
Mom eats very slowly. So sometimes we need to go and get her hair washed or get her into bed. She is a very slow eater. I am slow. I do understand. Mom needs to chew her food more than us. There is a time limit to our evening. I need to leave at a certain time. 7:45 pm. To be able to get up to the main bus loop. This gets me home at 10:30 pm. I can push it until 8:00 pm, which gets me home at 11- 11:30. This is late. considering I write this when I get home. I make dinner for mom and myself. Answer some emails. Download some shows etc... It is late after this.2:00 or 3:00 am when I finally get to sleep. Up at 9:00 am. Every day.
Yet I will continue to do this and will not stop. Mom needs me. She has no one else. And I need her.
Time for me to go now. 12:30 am. Need to eat and just relax.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
