Hello again
I am really tired of people sending me comments that I am a looser or I should go to hell, or I am only in it for the money.
First off, don't you think I know what I am. I may have a great mind, but alcoholism and pot addictions took allot of that away. It was 8 years straight before my memory started coming back. And over 9 years until my math abilities started to show up again. Still my mind is no where near what it use to be like. And yes I do consider myself a looser. I have one thing going for me. I spend my time taking care of and looking after my ailing mother. Who has no one else she can count on for anything.
Secondly, I don't get paid anything for looking after and taking care of my mother. Nothing at all. I do this as it is the right thing to do in one's life. She raised me and took care of me, when I was young, so it is my turn to take care of her. And I look forward to each day, going their and taking care of her. I look forward to that smile, when she see's me. I look forward to mom being able to bend her legs more and more, with each passing week.
Third, I consider the rest of my life a living hell. The only salvation I have each day, is going to, and seeing my mother. I have nothing, I am nothing. I can't even afford to eat most of the time.I can't afford a place out their, I am stuck in this place where I hate coming back to each and everyday. I have lost so much weight that all my clothing just bags on me. My shoes have holes in them. I have serious physiological issues, that need to be addressed ADHD, OCD, Depression 20 years in the making. I have to deal with staff who are destroying mom's nightgowns, and other individuals and organizations, that are on going.
I don't want anyone's pity. I am just stating fact. This is my hell I live with daily, which I never bring in with me, when I see mom.
Monday
Mom gets her hair done this day, And do they ever use allot of hairspray. WOW! But she looks good. They do a good job styling mom's hair each week.
A new roommate has arrived. Yes that quick. An empty space means lost $$$$$$$$$$. That is their concern. Not if this new women and mom are compatible. OK so far, I do, however see it as it was with mom's other roommate. It has been only one day.
Usually on Monday's mom is not that hungry, but not today. I do get worried some times. When mom does not eat that much. But not today. The plate was clean and half of the served dinner. OK, mostly the meat portion of the served dinner. I serve mom allot of healthy meals, which don't include allot of meat.
It was not long afterwards that mom was ready for bed. She was in a rush for me to finish the dishes. I accommodated her and got them done very quickly. So off to the room,with the new roommate. Her husband was their, and he just talked up; and storm. Asking who the artist was that has decorated her room. If I was an artist. If I was a chef. Yes I have been drawing since I was a very young. And I just love to cook. Only if it is for someone. I don't eat what I make mom. I cook for her. I just have an idea and then I see it and then make it. The same applies to the art work and decorations for mom's room.
I have something in mind for one of her walls. But not being able to use my right arm correctly is stopping me for doing this so far. The pain is unbelievable when using the right arm. I am getting very good at typing one handed. Or I have to have the keyboard right up against me.
And the insurance company does not give a crap, that I am unable to use my dominant hand and arm. Oh well, is there answer. We can't help you, but if you want to settle, we will gladly do this for you.
I lost my train of thought,
After I finished speaking with the husband. OK. I just paused it. I was able to get back to doing what I was there to do. Get mom changed for bed and give mom her spa treatment. After the staff member came in and put her to bed. I tucked her in. Got the towels in place and proceeded to give mom the royal treatment. A very warm face cloth to rinse the face and relax the muscles, followed by a moisturizing cleanser, a rinse and then a final rinse, Then to finish her face off, a beautiful moisturizing lotion. Well the arms and legs were jealous, so they were next. And finally, I get mom to try to bend her knee's a little further.
Completely relaxed, she was at this point and almost asleep. Mom reaches her hand out. I grab it and I wait with her, while she falls asleep.
I leave!;
Off I go into the dark and stormy night, a journey that I no longer wish to trek. If only something would give. A surprise, an inspiration and if a miracle would take place. I would feel alive again.
No matter, what I will continue this trek, It is the arrival, that keeps me going.
Mom is good, she is healthy
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
