Hello again
Today is Friday and I was going to bring mom a large dinner, but I remembered that mom is usually tired on Fridays for some reason.
I brought her a good dinner, but not that much. And she barely ate that. I was going to wash her hair as well, but being that tired, I just took her to her room, Got her changed, read to her. Then put her into bed and started her spa treatment. I just finished doing her face and neck when the girl came in to change mom's pad.
Mom likes me to be their when this is happening, but the girl didn't want my help. Then I get back to find mom holding her left arm. Meaning the girl rolled mom over on her left side. I keep asking them and letting them know, this is mom's bad side and when you roll her over onto that side, it hurts her. That is why she holds her left arm. Because it is hurting her.
I finished the spa treatment, and tried to hold her hand, but she wouldn't let go of her left arm. So I held her left hand.
Mom has been staring out into nowhere lately. And tonight, she wouldn't even turn to look my direction when I was leaving.
Maybe it is something I said. I did say to mom that it is almost three years that she has been here and I have been traveling and putting on many, many kilometers. 200 a day for three years.
I hope she doesn't think that it bothers me. NO. Not at all. I would travel twice that distance daily if I had too.
It just freaks me out when she is acting like this. Then I worry and expect a call in the middle of the night.
It just freaks me out.
What I am truly feeling is that GOD is breaking my heart. I don't need help with mom. I want to spend more time with her.
I just wish I could get help with moving, finding a place and a few other things.
I feel like GOD is breaking my heart.
Not feeling it anymore.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
