Hello again
Today has been the worst day for pain, since the accident.. I am having extreme anxiety because of it. My whole body is inflamed and burning with pain.
It is hard to deal with it. The more pain I am in, the less I want to be touched. And today mom was very affectionate. I tried to reciprocate her affection as much as I could. But not all the time. I explained to mom that I am in pain and I can't do as much as I usually do for her.
I am having a difficult time using my right arm.
I had to get some groceries for myself and stuff for her dinner tomorrow. Plus I had to stop and get more of her drinks. That alone was painful.
I am not sure what I am going to do. I have to bring things for her... Bring her laundry back with me, it is only what she is wearing that day. But today I had to bring the sheets back to wash.
I can't keep carrying all of these things. But I have too.
All of this I had no problem with before this accident. I would carry all sorts of things back and forth to mom's. Plus carry 4 or 5 bags of groceries home.
When I got home and took everything off my back. I collapsed onto the floor.
I am in extreme pain as I write this.
Today I looked a two places. Well I lost the one that I loved. I didn't have the damage deposit on me, or in the bank. Sure I can get it, but it will take a week to get it. And they are not willing to wait that long.
They told me if I can get the damage deposit by tomorrow, the place is mine. Well unless there is some king of miracle over night. That is not going to happen.
This place is 4 blocks away, nice and clean, spacious. And everything is included. I mean everything. My own washer and dryer, cable, heat, lights, Internet. And it is within what I can afford.
Well goodbye to that place. There is not a way of me getting the funds by tomorrow.
I need the insurance company to start to do something for me. There saying that taking care of my mother is not a job. And therefore I won't be compensate for not being able to do what I normally do for her. I say that if I were to get to court, any judge would consider this work and award me for it.
Today as I stated mom was very affectionate towards me. She was very hungry and ate allot, I mean what I brought her plus some of the dinner that was served.
We finished dinner and I got her ready for bed.. Then we had to wait for someone to come and put her to bed. They are back at it again. Putting mom to bed after 7 pm. And this causes me to miss the bus and I have to wait for another bus, which gets me home an hour latter than normal.
Mom is to be put to bed between 6 and 6:30 pm, not after 7 pm. This is why I put her to bed, so we could get the spa treatment started. Mom needs me to hold her hand while she falls asleep. She needs this security and love. And I hate having to rush. This is one of my pet peeves in life. Being rushed. On top of the anxiety I am having with this pain, I have to deal with this. Not fun.
And before I left I took another pain killer. But I accidentally took two of them. So I am a little out of it now. But I am still experiencing pain. They don't seem to be working.
Well I am going to start to put mom bed, again. If they can't get her in bed before 7 I will do it myself. They don't want me to do this, but I don't care. Mom wants to be put into bed after she eats.
We already went through this. I thought it was solved. But not. There is even a sign stating mom is to be in bed between a certain time.
I did everything I could for her tonight, even though I was in pain. I guess I have to take an extra painkiller. I will not allow this pain to interfere with taking care of mom.
Mom new I needed to leave and gave me a nice big hug and kisses before I left. The only problem I am having with tonight, is mom was awake!
I need to go now, try to sleep. OK first eat.
I am pissed off that I am going to loose this place. I could see myself being there for a while. And lots of room to bring mom over, without any issues of getting her in.
I am doubting my faith in a big way.
I really need GOD to provide me with a miracle.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
