Hello again
It really pisses me off that I can't find a place to live in White Rock. That I go look at places and they are alcoholics or drug addicts.I don't drink or smoke pot. And I can't be around it either. I have an allergy to booze and pot. My life spirals out of control into the toilet.
I can only afford so much and I am not going to pay 600 for a shared accommodations or a room. Where for a few hundred dollars more I could, if I had the funds, get a basement suite.
It bugs me that I pray and pray for GOD to help me find a place. I do what I have too, to get help to get a place. As in speaking with advocates to get me on the lists for subsidized housing. And nothing. It has been over two years now and nothing.
I have never had this much problem finding a place, ever.
And everyone is always saying, you haven't found a place yet. Well if your poor, it is difficult to find an affordable living space, that is decent.
I feel like yelling, I AM POOR AND CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING. Maybe you could help. But I don't.
I don't want to live where I live anymore. I don't like having to clean up after anyone. And it is difficult to do so, as well.
I am in pain all the time, but I don't complain to anyone about it. That was apparent this week, when a staff member asked if I was working. She didn't have a clue that I hurt all over, that my back goes out every other month. I can't walk up or down the stairs. I can't keep my legs bent or the pain is to great.
Enough already, I say. I know I am disabled. Not just physically, but because of this I have mental health issues. I carry a heavy burden. I know mom has serious issues, but I won't let her know it bothers me. She doesn't need that in her life. She knows what is happening to her. Mom just needs someone to be there for her, to support her and to make sure she is well looked after. To take care of her. As she took care of me.
I don't want mom to worry about me, or to think that it is a burden for me to come take care of her. NOT AT ALL! I will never show mom that I am in pain or anything else.
Yes I can't find a place, but I will never stop going to see her. No matter how much time I could save to spend with mom. Stay latter at night.
Anyways, mom was extremely happy to see me this evening. Big smile on her face, I had some nice treats for her for after dinner. And brought her a nice homemade beef pot pie. She really enjoyed this, plus baked beans. Yet the whole time mom was looking right at the dessert. I have to make sure I hid it or not put it out on the table. So mom will eat dinner. (yes like a child) but come on. she is ailing and who cares. I don't.
I just wish I could stay longer, as I let her know, when I have to leave. Where is GOD in all of this. I am a nice person and I don't want to move to White Rock for selfish reasons. I just want to be closer to mom. Especially since the summer is coming upon us.
I got mom changed and brushed her teeth, than read our story to her, while she waited to be transferred to bed and have her diaper changed. Than her spa treatment. Mom got her medication early tonight. So I was able to stand their and hold her hand while she feel asleep. I love this part of the night. Makes me feel worth while.
I sang our good night song to her, She opened her eyes for a moment and then I could here her say she loves me.
Off I went.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland.
