Hello again
I feel like a hoarder. My room is everything. It is my storage room, I have boxes of stuff, my stuff and mom's things. It is my living room, my dinning room, my bedroom and office. This is where I stay, this is where I write. It is becoming very crowded. The closet is full of boxes, the walls are lined with boxes. I feel like I am a hoarder, but I really don't have anything. It is mom's decorations, clothing. Some of my bake ware and books and important papers. Plus a box of old cell phones and electronic cords and cables.
I don't have much room to even move around and there is no storage here for anything. This is making my depression worse. I like things organized and things in there place. OCD
I am just feeling really down lately. I hate,and I never use the word hate, the place I am staying at. I need to get out of here. It is starting to drive me mad! I am full of anxiety when I am here, it diminishes while in White Rock I sometimes feel like a giant peace of crap walking around in human skin. And my hair is driving me nuts. I need to get it cut off, but NO F...ing money.
I had to be in Vancouver today, and it was OK. Except I miss dressing in nice clothing. Enough about myself
I made mom a nice pasta bake last night for her dinner today. I got their a little late today, but it worked out OK. Mom, it seems, was waiting for me and as soon as I got off the elevator, her face lit up with this huge smile. You have to love it. I do!
Mom's words where very clear today. Though she doesn't say to much. But what she said today, was very clear. She has been struggling to give me a hug. But she is trying, that is what is important. She has been doing allot of this lately.
Don't worry, mom is healthy. A little bit of a cough, but I am putting Noxzema on her chest every night. Lots to drink and healthy food.
I fed her and told her about my day in Vancouver. We laughed and talked. Mom ate most of the pasta bake and the usual, the papaya and her chocolate.
Mom's left hand has been a problem since the strokes, but mom has been wanting me to hold her left hand as well. Which is good. She likes the warmth of my hands. And it makes her left hand feel good.
I got her changed and put her dirty clothing in a bag to take home to wash, which is what I am doing now, while I write this.
The staff member came in early and changed her and put her to bed. I gave mom her nightly spa treatment, and mom wanted the lotion on her face arms, hands and legs, tonight. She normally doesn't like it when I put the lotion on her arms and hands. But tonight she enjoyed it.
I was done early with her spa treatment, and the nurse gave mom her medication early. So I had extra time to stand and hold her hand. Almost an hour. The whole time mom had this wonderful smile on her face.
Mom was asleep when I sang her our good night song. And I gave her a kiss and told her that I would miss her. Which is what I truly do miss her when I am gone.
Pray for mom and I, that I find a place in White Rock. I will keep asking for help with prayer with this issue
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
