Hello again
Yes that is right, my depression is growing with each day we draw closer to Christmas. Everyday, I walk through the mall, to get to the bus stop and more and more decorations are up. The entire Christmas village is now up and awaiting Santa. Come On, It is not even the middle of November.
Homes are already putting up their lights. Come on.
I get back to writing about this after I write about mom.
So mom was overly tired tonight, and I found out that the roommate was awake at 3 in the morning thinking it was breakfast time and calling for the nurse. Now is this anyway mom can get the proper rest she needs and deserves. I think not!
We all need proper rest, and most of us need to sleep in the dark,without noise. Not like this. And because of this, mom was, what I call sleep eating. It is when she is so tired that she can barely keep her eyes open, but trust me enough that she knows I am feeding her. But she, when in this condition, just overly chews her food. What I brought her tonight, mom loves and could not chew it properly. A shame, this is something she looks forward to when I tell her I am bringing it for her the next night.
So she ate the dinner they served, which is mostly pureed food. Easy to chew and swallow for her. Mom is still having constipation problems. I just have to keep getting her to drink the tea. The poop tea as I put it. And mom laughs at this .
I like the fact that mom has sarcasm in her. It makes me laugh and know mom is still alive inside. Her mind is still very active.
I asked the LPN about how much Tylenol mom is getting each day, and she is getting six of them a day. No wonder mom is plugged up. 1 Tylenol is 1 to many according to me and what I believe. She just said to me that if I want this to be changed I will have to speak with mom`s doctor.
Yes, I spoke with the manager, briefly, tonight, and asked what a good time to speak with her, is. And now know. So I will go early tomorrow/today and speak with her about the roommate. I also will be calling the patient quality care office, as they have not phoned me back since I first called weeks ago now.
But I got mom ready for bed. Tonight I wanted to wash her hair but she did not even want this to happen. Usually, mom is running her hand over my hair letting me know that she wants her hair washed. But not tonight.
Three days in a row that mom has been overly tired.
So these are all the things that make me depressed that I am not living in White Rock. I get worried about mom. I need to be closer. I have found 3 places that are $650 - 700 a month. Very close to mom's. But they are just a little more than I can afford.
It is this time of the year my dad passed away. And it is this time of the year I really get freaked out about mom. I am worried all the time, every single day.
This makes me even more depressed. 3 places. I can go without food and things. I can manage this. But I just need a place. And here they are. Of course bills are extra. I don't need cable. But heat and lights I do need. As well as the Internet. I need to keep writing and publishing this blog. And this is the only entertainment I have. I get all of what I watch on line.
This is making me even more depressed.
My hearing is getting worse. I have chronic pain. All day, everyday. I have no way of getting mom anything for Christmas. And for me, that is a joke. There will be just coal in my stocking. Oh yea, not even this. I have so much to do and it seems overwhelming to me. I have to write all the phone calls I need to make, down, so I can at least be somewhat organized. If that is possible.
I am not even hungry lately, so I just go to bed. Watch a few things and fall sleep with the computer repeating what I was watching. Only to be awaken at 4 in the morning and then having a hard time falling back to sleep
I just only want to be living in White Rock. As mentioned I can go without furniture. Again, I have a bedroom suite, I need pots and pans and dishes, plus cutlery. Oh yea I do have one set of cutlery. I mean I have 1 fork,2 knives and 2 spoons. Good enough for now. I can get a plate and a bowl. So I guess I just need pots and pans. Oh yea, if I have no groceries I guess I don't need pots and pans. Right I need them to cook for mom.
But I am sure I can get everything from Craigslist.
I am going now. As I said I am not hungry again. I guess it is good that I have not groceries.
Pray for me, Help me please
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
